


To Guard

by SolitaryPeak



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: Rebels, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Brotherly Affection, Brotherly Bonding, CT-7567 | Rex Needs a Hug, Coming of Age, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Fear of Discovery, First Love, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Learning Disabilities, Love Confessions, M/M, Medical Trauma, Men Crying, Mild Sexual Content, Military Homophobia, Not Beta Read, Pining, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Self-Acceptance, Self-Discovery, Self-Doubt, Self-Worth Issues, Sexual Tension, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Touch-Starved, True Love, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:08:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 26,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23191399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SolitaryPeak/pseuds/SolitaryPeak
Summary: Rex is incredibly taken by the new General. Once a Temple Guard, he's easy to talk to, understanding, and real. But as his thoughts float to him more and more, Rex begins to wonder if maybe he cares more for the general than he should... but what Jedi would go for a clone?Will Rex get the courage to tell him how he feels? Even if he does, would their relationship survive the threats of battle, fear, and politics hanging over their heads? Or will all involved be extinguished with the republic?I obv don't own any of these star wars characters, places, etc.
Relationships: CT-7567 | Rex/Original Character(s), Original Clone Trooper Character(s)/Original Jedi Character(s)
Comments: 19
Kudos: 50





	1. Boots On The Ground

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for checking in. I've done my research but I'm no expert, so feel free to give constructive criticism. This story features my view of the effects of the war and the kaminoans on the clones and their lifestyles

One thing Akira did not like was being the center of attention. Yes, he knew that didn't make him special, that most people didn't like being the center of attention. But he actively avoided being said center, diverting attention to others when he was asked a question in a room, by asking his own questions in private. That was what he had hated most about the trial after his master's death. All eyes were on him, judging, making their own assumptions about his character, the decisions he was forced to make. They couldn't know what his thoughts were, they couldn't understand the pain he'd gone through.

But now he was back to all of the hustle and bustle of the temple- and everyone wanted to see him. They hadn't known where he'd gone. They didn't know he'd given up his identity and his few possessions. They didn't know he never left the temple, just put on a white and gold mask and kept to the sidelines, listening, watching… healing.

He hooked his plasma pike on his belt, adjusting his collar. His ivory clothes were more or less his guard uniform, but he'd eliminated the golden emblems, donning a black robe over his shirt instead. He didn't own any other clothing at the moment, so the uniform would have to do. He left his flat and Rory fell in line behind him, his blaster raised. Akira had worked with Rory briefly before his time with the guard. They'd gotten along well and Akira had found Rory remarkably intelligent. But once the battle of Geonosis they were both different men. They'd both seen and done things they could never take back, and they both immediately went on leave. But when Rory had heard that Akira was returning, he agreed to return along with him.

They walked down to the meeting room, where Anakin Skywalker, Obi Wan Kenobi, and their respective unit leaders were meeting. He would be joining them on a diplomatic meeting trying to keep the peace between two peoples. He pushed the glass door open, and Anakin looked over, smiling.

"Akira. Nice of you to join us."

Akira smirked, and the two clones at the table looked up at them. "Ahsoka, Cody, Rex, this is General Akira Kutae. He's rejoining us from the temple guard."

"This is Captain Rory," Akira said, gesturing to the clone beside him.

Cody and Rex nodded their heads at him, and they joined the group at the table.

Anakin smiled, squeezing Akira's shoulder. "Akira and I trained at the temple as children. I haven't seen him much since then, him being a guard and all, but he's back with us now. He's getting into the swing of being involved in the war, he's never fought in one, so he's going to be hanging around me and the 501st to get a feel for being in command." He explained to Rex and Cody.

"Understood, Sir." Cody said, smiling to Akira.

"Its a pleasure to see you again, Akira. Hopefully these days you won't be dragging Anakin into trouble anymore." Obi Wan smirked.

Akira feigned offense. "I was the one getting dragged."

"Me? Trouble? Master... never." Anakin laughed, and Obi Wan rolled his eyes.

"Anakin's been dragging me into trouble since I met him. I believe it." Rex added, and Anakin punched him in the arm.

Obi Wan laughed, "Alright, back to work," he said, jumping into the plans. He and Anakin would be attending the peace treaty while Cody and Akira worked to help their forces maintain the boundary and protected those coming in and out. There would be protests and riots, and the last thing they wanted was for a dignitary to get hurt and destroy the treaty.

"If we all understand our missions, let's get moving."

"Get the men ready to board. Ensure they have their riot gear." Anakin said to Rex.

"Yes, Sir."

They boarded their transport ships, flying to the planet Renhokt to take their stations. It was a warm, tropical planet with many many living beings on it. The ships landed within the compound of the royal family, and a man stepped out to greet them. They were humanoid on this planet, but their eyes were entirely black. Their barracks were within the castle compound where the men could be protected while they slept. Ahsoka was joining them to the treaty to discuss plans to utilize a few jedi for a month or so after.

The men took to finding their bunks while the generals discussed their rotations. Once it was mapped out, Akira approached Cody and Rex. They were sitting at a card table with graffiti written all over it, chatting over some caff.

"May I speak to you both?"

"Of course, sir," Cody said, and Akira pulled up a chair.

"About tomorrow's plan... No one knows what they're doing like the both of you do, so, I'd like to enter this as equals. Rory and I have been out for some time and need to catch up."

Cody smiled, "of course, sir. Thank you."

"Wonderful. So, we need a patrol manning the perimeter of the barracks, and the perimeter of the stronghold at all times. On the ground, I'd like to trust you to make the calls as far as the riot patrol goes. I believe my main role should be assisting you."

Cody and Rex both looked surprised. "Sir, I-"

"I trust your judgement more than my own. Your expertise in troop movement will be far more useful in such an ever changing situation as crowd control."

Cody looked to Rex. "I'd like to put a dozen men on the perimeter of the stronghold, a half dozen on the barracks. Phalanx formation on the ground, Rex?"

"I agree," Rex said. "If someone needs medical attention-"

"Call me. I'll come in and get them out and to Kix. Call on me to do whatever you need, Commander, I'm one of your troops."

"Perfect, sir. Thank you."

Akira stood in front of the Phalanx, the clones' riot visors blending them into their shields. They were to get down to the royal gate, and prevent anyone from entering it. That was all, but would prove difficult with the number of angry protesters they were estimating.

"I won't be down here with you. Without gear or a weapon I can set to stun, Your commander and I agree I would be more of a hindrance. I am, however, present. I will be here to step in. If you need me, signal me. My goal here is no injuries or casualties. No one is to be hurt unless its absolutely necessary. We have to be entirely neutral. Am I clear?"

"Yes sir!"

They descended on the crowd outside the gate, lining the road for the first few hundred meters, holding them back from the entrance to the stronghold so the politicians could arrive safely. Akira kept to the wall, ready to take down anyone who might break the line. Once the caravans were in, they shut the gates, the people throwing rocks at the clones and the stronghold. Cody and Rex kept the position held, the best that they could, the crowd getting more determined once they realized the strength of the clone force. It wasn't long before the crowd tore a clone from the group, dragging him into the sea of protesters. Akira was down the hill in a moment, igniting his pike and making the rioters scream and flee, leaving the clone on the ground. He grabbed the clone's hand, pulling him to his feet and up over his shoulder. The clone was shaking violently, and grabbed Akira's robes to try to steady himself. Akira's arm was firmly clamped over the clone's knees, however, and he backed up toward the line, melting behind it. He dropped the clone on the ground, pulling his helmet off.

"Are you hurt?" He shouted over the chaos.

"Yes, I think so, sir. My ankle doesn't feel right."

Akira nodded and helped him up onto his feet. He walked him back through the gate to Kix's medical tent, sitting him down.

"We've plenty of men. Even if you're not hurt, take a break, if we need you desperately I'll come get you."

"Thank you, sir."

Akira returned to the field, and saw Rex at the front of the formation trying to wrench one of his men's arms from a protester's grasp. Akira ran over, Rex getting pulled off his feet and dragged into the crowd. Akira force pushed the crowd away, helping him up. Rex limped back to the line, and Akira held up his pike, allowing him time to get back. Once he was behind the line Akira helped him over to Kix, where he shoved Rex down into a chair. Rex was bleeding profusely from his shoulder, a small carved knife sticking out of it. Akira looked to Kix, who was already pulling the knife from the wound, patching it with bacta and gauze. Akira watched, Rex's jaig eyes on his helmet staring back. He sighed, wiping his forearm over his face. He was one man, if the clones were to be separated, he could't save them all. He hoped the formation would hold. He looked over, and saw Rory standing against the wall, Cody with his hand on his shoulder.

Rory was hyperventilating, his face paled.

"I've got this commander." Akira said, running over.

Cody saluted and ran back to the front.

"I'm so sorry." Rory breathed.

"Don't apologize to me." Akira murmured, taking his shoulders. "you've done nothing wrong."

"I'm too weak for this. It was a dream."

"You are not. In fact you're one of the bravest men I've ever known. You've done beautifully here."

"General-"

"Shh. Come."

He took Rory's shoulders and led him to Kix who looked immediately to Akira for an explanation.

"He's alright." Akira assured him. He sat him in a chair and bent to look at him. "When you're feeling better help Kix."

"Sir-"

"It's alright. Help Kix."

Rory nodded, and Akira returned to the line.

The day progressed with little more cuts and bruises, and they counted it a success. The first part of the treaty was able to commence with no interruptions from the protests outside. The clones returned to their bunks stacked two high in many rows throughout the warehouse. Some went right to bed, but others hung around the small designated mess area to play cards or simply to hang out. Akira sat against the back wall with a bowl of soup, watching a nearby group play a game, yelping and shouting accompanying every move. Cody approached, and sat beside him.

"Can I ask you about Rory, sir?"

Akira nodded, and gestured to the seat before him.

"What happened?" Akira asked, setting his bowl on the seat beside him.

"He just froze, started shaking. I pulled him aside to ask if he was ok and he was breathing so quickly. I just think, with all due respect, if he's under my command I need to know what's wrong with him. Sir."

"I agree." Akira said. "Rory- Rory was in a battle with me. The clones were held hostage from inside the base by Count Dooku, Assaj and their forces. When I got in to retrieve them they were all dead but Rory. All I know about it is that being the commander, they tortured him by killing his men, but he didn't give anything up."

Cody sat in silence. "I can't believe it."

"Nor can I. He struggles with being close to people, to be enclosed. The feel of their bodies and of bring trapped. It makes him panic. We're trying to find his niche."

"I understand that, sir."

"I'd ask you to keep this to yourself."

"Of course, Sir." Cody promised, his jaw set.

Rex approached, nearly tripping over a clone lying on the floor with his arms over his face. "Sorry to interrupt sir, but, could I have a word?"

"Absolutely." Akira stood. He was a few inches taller than Rex, his light blue eyes searching Rex's face. He excused himself and followed Rex out onto the grounds.

"I didn't get to properly thank you for saving me." Rex said, looking up at Akira.

"It was my pleasure."

"You went out of your way, sir, so, I'm in your debt."

"No debts, here, Captain. Just friends."

Rex smiled, and gestured to his pike at his side. "I couldn't help but notice you have a very different saber from the others."

"Yes. I was a temple guard for a time. I'm yet to retrieve my saber." He looked down at Rex's bloodied arm. "Let me fix that for you, its falling apart."

Akira untied the bandage wrapped around his arm with expert hands, holding his bicep firm. He pulled a fresh bandage from his field bag on his thigh and tied the bacta patch on tighter, Rex watching closely. Akira shoved a few extra bandages and bacta patches in Rex's own field pouch.

"Kix was worried we'd run out, so don't tll him you have them." Akira said with a smirk.

"I'll be sure to keep them safe." Rex returned, and Akira put his hand on his shoulder.

"You're remarkably intelligent, Captain Rex. You're planning today, I can see why Cody holds you in such high regard."

Rex reddened, "Th-thank you, Sir."

Akira squeezed his shoulder. "Thank you, Rex. For all you've done."


	2. Let Me Show You

Rex was up half the night, tossing and turning. He couldn't stop thinking about Akira… his broken smile, his missing tooth. The way the wind blew his hair from his face, the smell of his cologne.

He sat up, eyes wide. What the hell was he doing? He rubbed his hands over his face. He was over tired. He'd been rescued by the general, he admired him. Wasn't that what generals were for? Inspiring and leading? There wasn't anything else it could possibly be…

He rose, walking over to his water basin, and flicked on the light on his blaster. He splashed cold water on his face, sighing.

"You ok?"

Rex flinched, and Cody was looking over at him, eyebrow raised.

"Yeah I'm just… not tired."

Cody hopped down, pointing his blaster light at Rex, making him squint.

"What's going on with you?"

"Nothing!" Rex protested, a little too harshly.

Cody tilted his head. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. Really. I'm just a little shaken from today, that's all."

Cody squinted his eyes, but lie back down.

The following morning they were leaving. The peace negotiations were successful, so their mission was done. It was an unusually boring mission, but Rex couldn't complain. With Anakin as his commanding officer, few things went so smoothly. Rex and Cody helped the other men get the supplies onto the ships before getting on themselves. Anakin, Akira, Rex, Cody, Ahsoka, and Fives rode in the ship back to Coruscant together. They were on leave for a few days, and Rex was relieved. Since he didn't sleep, he needed to get some rest and clear his head. He needed some time alone… although that was a joke. He wasn't sure he'd ever done anything in his life alone. Fives was chattering away excitedly about his plans for their leave, and he heard Echo's name tossed in every once in a while. Rex took the moment. Fives had everyone distracted... Rex could pretend he was alone, for just a moment.

He watched the clouds outside the window blow past, the blue of Coruscant's sky edging its way into the window's view. He was back to the barracks, and he had a few days to recoup whatever head injury this mission seemed to give him. He would read, go for quiet walks, maybe even go swimming again like he enjoyed while training on Kamino. Whatever he did, he had to have his head clear by the time they were back on duty. Rex wasn't one who fared well without sleep, and if he wasn't at his best, he could endanger the men.

Before he knew it, the transport was touching down, and Fives slapped his back.

"Wanna get a drink, boss?"

He asked every time they were going on leave, without fail. Rex never said yes, always preferring to return the peace and quiet of his room. It was shared with Cody, but he too preferred quiet, the two often sitting in a comfortable silence. But despite himself, Rex nodded. "love to."

Rex wasn't much of a social butterfly, and sat by the wall with Kix, Jesse, and Fives at a table. There were women crawling all over the more eager, flashy clones. A newer clone had a twi'lek on each leg, laughing and cheering to another clone trying to dance with a drunken woman.

Rex looked down at his whiskey, sloshing it miserably around his glass.

Jesse and Kix were chattering away as they always did. Fives looked over at Rex, his hand on his shoulder.

"Are you alright?"

Rex nodded, "I'm just tired."

Fives frowned. "Well, have some fun while you're here. Even if it just seeing the men happy for once."

Rex knew Fives was right, and watched the others laugh and dance. It was nice to see his brothers enjoying their lives instead of sacrificing them for once.

"Yeah, Rex, loosen up, we don't get leave as often as we used to." Jesse chimed in, calling the waitress for another round of drinks. Despite his attempts, seeing the other clones having such fun was seeming to drag him down. They were so new... so shiny. They didn't have the baggage he did, hadn't seen the horrors Rex had. They didn't know any better, and that was why they were having fun. They were ignorant to what their futures held. He'd seen Shinies party before, tried to be happy for them, until he spent time the following week scraping their brain matter off of his armor.

After a few more Rex decided he'd had enough. He'd drank too fast and made himself nauseous, the added dizziness was only making it worse, and just wanted to go to bed. Fives agreed to go back with him, being buzzed himself, and held Rex's elbow. Back at the barracks, they walked down the alley between the temple and the capital building, the barracks just a touch further. They heard hushed voices, and a dark figure was leaned against the wall, robes billowing in the wind that was siphoned between the two structures. There was only one light, and it was cast on the ground between the two buildings. It was enough light for them to make out the reddened cheeks of General Kutae. Akira was leaned against a wall, talking. The other voice was one of a woman, her face nearly touching his. She giggled, and her hands wandered up the front of his shirt. They turned down the side alley, the front door of their barrack just before them.

"Looks like the general isn't wasting any time, huh?" Fives laughed, and Rex bobbed his head.

"They can't do that though, can they?" Rex asked, knowing the answer already.

"They can do whatever they want as long as it don't interfere."

Rex wandered into his room, and Cody looked over. He was in his sleep pants, a physical book on the bed before him. He had a glass of rum before him, and tilted his head.

"Rex? Are you drunk?"

Rex sat on his bed, head in his hands. "Yes."

Cody sighed. "Rex. I'm not going to ask you what's wrong, because you won't tell me, but please… keep it together."

"Rex!"

Rex moaned, rolling over and feeling for his communicator on the side table.

"Yes, Sir," he murmured, sitting up. He rubbed his head, the pressure behind his eyes nearly unbearable.

"Can you come to the temple training room please?" Anakin asked.

"Yes, of course, sir."

Rex pulled on a clean set of blacks and his armor, tossing three pain killers in his mouth before heading out for the temple.

He nodded his head to those he passed in the temple, and made his way to the training room. Through the glass, he could hear the hum of Anakin's lightsaber, along with the hum of another. The blue saber met Anakin's green, Akira flipping back and up onto a raised platform. Anakin swung his saber in a few trial arcs, sweat dripping down his bare back.

"Get down here and fight me."

Akira laughed, jumping off the platform at Anakin, their sabers meeting above his head.

Anakin seemed to sense him, because he looked over at the viewing window. Knowing the peace of the moment was over, Rex sighed and walked through the doorway.

Akira was training with duel sabers, his thin shirt soaked through with sweat. He smiled and put away his sabers.

"You called me, sir." Rex said, standing at attention.

Anakin wiped a towel across his face. "Yes. Rex, can you go into the city and retrieve a new transponder for the beacon on my ship? I'd go myself but I'm meeting with Obi Wan and I can't be late again or he'll kill me."

Rex hated going on Anakin's errands, but nodded. The walk might do him good. "Of course, sir."

Anakin smiled, "Thanks, Rex. I gotta go." He said, and tossed Akira the towel, he cringed and dropped it, turning to Rex.

Akira wiped his face with his shirt, revealing his muscled torso beneath. Rex flushed, thankful for his helmet.

"Want some company on that errand? I haven't been in the city in ages." Akira breathed, his hair dripping onto the mat.

Rex shifted uneasily. "Uhh, sure thing, sir."

Akira shrugged. "I don't have to-"

"No, no. I want you to, sir, I just, I've never left the temple with a Jedi unless it was for a mission."

Akira's smile returned. "I see. Well I look forward to it. Come with me to my quarters, I'll change and we'll be off."

Rex followed Akira up the series of steps to his quarters. The door opened to a living room with two large couches sandwiching a coffee table before a window. The wall facing the city was almost entirely glass, and a doorway off to the side Rex assumed led to his bedroom.

It was more modest than the senators' rooms but far better than his own. The decor was simple as jedi décor always was, but comfortable, with plush carpet and fine curtains.

Rex stood by the door, unsure. He'd never been in someone's private quarters unless he was guarding.

"I'll be back, make yourself comfortable." He said without turning around. Rex didn't move, watching the general disappear into what he guessed was his bedroom. What did that mean? He couldn't just sit on the man's couch, lounging like one of his friends, but he didn't want to be standing at attention next to the door either. He hesitated. Where was the line? He didn't want to dirty the carpet with his boots-

Akira reentered, and looked at Rex, his eyebrow raised. "You can enter, Rex."

Rex scratched the back of his neck, "I'm sorry sir, I just, I've never done this."

"Done what?"

"Anything with a Jedi. Just, missions, nothing beyond that. To be blunt, I don't know what I'm doing, sir."

"You've never spent time with Anakin? Been to his quarters?"

"Only if it had something to do with work."

Akira leaned against the counter. "Well Rex, I want you to act how you would with your men, say, Cody. I'm not your superior off the clock."

"Sir-"

"No sirs. My name's Akira."

Rex smiled. "Alright. Thank you."

"Great. Let's go."

Akira followed Rex out onto the street, and Rex felt strangely calm. He thought that Akira's presence would make him uncomfortable, being a jedi, one he didn't know well for that matter, but his curiosity about the city made Rex feel at ease. He asked many questions about what certain buildings were and what Rex thought of the city. They walked to the parts store and Rex paid for the part with Anakin's tab. Back on the street, Akira pointed to a restaurant, grabbing Rex's shoulder.

"Wanna get something to eat?"

"I don't have any money." Sir. But he stopped himself.

"I've got it, don't worry about it." Before he could answer, Akira was already hurrying over to the restaurant.

Rex followed him across the way to the diner, where the twi'lek waitress seated them. Rex took off his helmet, placing it on the table beside them. He combed through the menu, and ordered his usual burger. Akira ordered as well, and leaned back on the booth. "Tell me about yourself, Rex."

Rex shrugged. "There isn't much to tell."

"You're telling me a pistol wielding captain with jaig eyes on his helmet leads a boring life?"

Rex smirked. "Outside of my duties? Yes."

Akira watched him, his ice blue eyes searching. "What do the other men do for fun?"

"Get drunk, mainly. Gamble."

"That's not your scene?"

"No. I read."

Akira sipped his drink. "What do you read?"

Rex shrugged. "Everything. I go to the library every time we're here. Anakin gave me a special pass for the Jedi archives as well."

Akira raised an eyebrow, impressed. "When we return to the temple, if you'd like, I have books in my quarters. They vary wildly, so I'm sure you might find some of them interesting."

Rex quirked his head. "Th-thank you. I'd like that."

Their food came, and they ate their meals. Rex was careful not to eat as quickly as he did when he was in the field. Eating was for survival on missions, not for pleasure. Akira didn't seem to notice Rex's discomfort, however, and chatted on about how much he had enjoyed training younglings on Kamino a few weeks before his time as a guard was up. Once they were finished Akira paid and stood, stretching.

"Thank you for lunch, sir," Rex said.

"Don't call me sir, and it's my pleasure." Akira smirked, elbowing him.

Akira followed Rex back to the temple, and asked Rex back up to his quarters. Once inside, Rex removed his helmet and set it on the table beside the door. Akira led him into his bedroom, the large bed made neatly. His bookshelf was near the window, and Rex knelt down to examine the lower shelves. He loved physical copies of books, having issues with migraines when he read digitally.

"I've organized them by genre, fiction above, non-fiction like history and science below. I've books on many different things."

Rex stood, combing through the upper shelves. "That sounds very interesting" he said, pointing to a book on weapons building in ancient times.

Akira pulled the book off the shelf and handed it to him. "Borrow it then."

Rex took it, his mouth agape. "Thank you."

"And I know you were looking at this one," he said, and pulled the romance novel off the shelf. Rex reddened, and Akira laughed. "Why the embarrassment? I'm the one who purchased it." He pointed out, and leaned against the shelf. "It's a good one, too."

Rex smiled and Akira led him back out to the living room.

"Thank you. Really." Rex said, looking down at the books.

"Of course. I had a great time. I'm excited to hear your thoughts on them both." He said, nodding to the books.

Rex read both books in two nights, unable to put them down. He planned to train, walk, even swim on his leave, but he stayed in his quarters, turning pages in books. He identified heavily with the characters in the romance novel. It was a compelling mystery, driven and complicated by the emotion driven actions of the characters. He didn't expect anything that had happened, the book keeping him on the edge of his seat. The book on weapons helped him to better understand the 'why' beneath many of the weapons they and the separatists used in battle, and how far the technology had come from that point. He walked up to Akira's office the third day after his shift, knocking on Akira's door. It swung open, Akira's eyes red.

"Rex," he murmured, his voice gravelly.

Rex shrunk back. "I'm sorry, sir, I can come back another time."

"No, no. Please, come in." He stepped aside and Rex entered, feeling strangely exposed standing in the center of the room.

"Please, sit."

Rex sat on the edge of the couch, swallowing nervously.

Akira shut the door, rubbing his hands over his face. He looked up and saw Rex's concerned expression.

"I'm very glad you're here, I just, I had a terrible night's sleep, and a fall in training that's left me in some pain."

Rex smiled a little with relief. "I'm sorry to hear that, sir. Have you seen a medic?"

Akira smirked. "Yes, I actually talked to Kix about it. And Captain, every time you call me sir outside of the job I'm going to start punching you."

Rex barked a laugh, "I'm sorry. It's hard to stop."

Akira sat across from him, putting his drink on the small table.

"You've finished them?" Akira asked, gesturing to the books.

"Yes."

Akira smiled. "What did you think?"

"I liked them both."

Akira waited, his long fingers drumming on the table.

"That's all?"

Rex reddened.

Akira shook his head, "I don't mean that the way it sounded, I mean, I want to know what you thought. How you felt."

How he felt? Rex's mind whirred. He knew how he felt… but he wasn't sure how to translate it into words.

"I thought it was very interesting. The characters in the novel felt very, real." Once he'd started, he couldn't stop. The relationship, the symbolism, the torment… Akira responded in kind, pouring them both cup of tea after cup of tea. Akira's own comments on the book were spot on with everything Rex couldn't find the words to say, arming him with the words to use to further his own thoughts. They talked through the motives of the characters, why they had to do the terrible things they did, how there was rarely true good or evil.

When Rex looked out the window next, it was dark.

"We've been talking for hours," Rex marveled.

"Yes," Akira grinned, sipping his tea. Rex smiled back, for the first time truly meeting Akira's eyes. They were pools of melted sapphire, glimmering and inviting.

Akira stared back, seeming to search Rex for some sort of answer, but Rex didn't know the question.

"You won't get in trouble getting back this late will you?" Akira asked, still watching Rex's face.

Rex looked away. "Cody might be annoyed."

Akira chuckled. "I'll take the blame."

Something in Rex was disappointed, but he scolded himself. Why?

"Thank you, Akira."

Akira smiled, "Of course. Come back and borrow more, hmm?"

Rex nodded, making his way down to the bunks.

When he galloped down the stairs he crept around the corner, hoping to miss any patrols or superiors wandering around the barrack.

Instead he heard whispering, and turned the corner to bust whoever it was that was sneaking around the bunks this late.

But Rex paused, two men in their armor locked in an embrace, their lips pressed together. He stepped back around the corner, his mouth agape. Heat flushed his cheeks. Their lips never truly separated, desperate whispers pressed in with breaths. The fell into the room, the door shutting behind them, and he wandered down the hall to his room. He'd heard of a few isolated cases of men finding comfort in one another's company, but he hadn't really given it thought. There were so many men and so many rumors that he just brushed them aside these days.

Their trainers, the bounty hunters and Jango Fett, they pressed the idea that men were too strong to require comfort, that they were weak if they buckled. They pressed that the men were not to touch each other, that they would be deemed defective and reconditioned if they were found seeking pleasure with one another. Men liked women and anything beyond that was taunted in snide remarks and backhanded comments throughout their training. Rex had never given it another thought since then, never let his mind wander to the company of other men, of a lifestyle that would bring him nothing but pain. He wanted to be an ARC trooper and nothing was going to stand in his way. He didn't drink, gamble, party, or question orders. He didn't sneak out, he focused everything he had on training. Getting stronger and better. But seeing these two in the hall… was he the only one who hadn't humored the idea that maybe he wanted what they had? Maybe that was why he'd never wanted to take a woman from the saloon home with him, because he'd prefer a man?

"Rex?"

Cody's voice resounded through the room.

"Are you alright?"

Rex shook his head, "I think I'm ill."

Cody climbed off of the bunk, putting his hands on Rex's shoulders.

"Ill how?"

"I- I don't know. I just don't feel like myself."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! I appreciate it. Reviews make me write faster, so please do! ;)


	3. Umbaran Sunset

Rory knocked on Akira’s door. It was late at night, but he knew Akira would most likely be awake. He sighed, drumming his fingers on his helmet under his arm. If he got caught being out of the barracks this late... The door opened, and he could hear Akira’s tea kettle and a hologram's hum from behind the exhausted looking general.  
"Can't sleep?" Rory asked.  
Akira shrugged, "Nah. Looks like you can't either?"  
"I haven't tried. I know it's going to be a night."  
"I can relate," Akira sighed and stepped aside, letting Rory in. Akira’s apartment had a scent; like black tea and old books, and every time he took a deep breath, feeling more at home than he did anywhere else. He set his helmet on the table, and took off his boots by the counter. He dropped his armor on the floor by the door and collapsed onto Akira’s couch in his blacks. Akira poured him a cup of tea, lounging on the opposite couch.  
"Something happen today?"  
Rory looked over. "Hardcase found me. Said he's looking forward to it being like the good old times on our mission together."  
Akira sighed. "He'll learn that nothing is like before. Don't worry about living up to who you were, worry about who you are now and keeping that person alive and fuck the rest of it."  
Rory looked over. "Something happen to you today?"  
Akira stared at the bookshelf. "I'm just tired. Tired of seeing good people die for nothing."   
Rory wrapped his arms around himself. "You ever think of quitting? Since, you could?"  
Akira nodded. "I’d be insane if I didn’t. Fear keeps me here. Fear of the unknown."  
Rory cocked his head, “Aren’t jedi supposed to reject fear or something like that?”  
Akira smirked, “yeah, you give it a try some time.”  
Rory stared at the shine of the light off the glass table.   
"Do you think of leaving?"  
Rory looked up at him. "No."  
"Come on, Rory."  
He looked away, "I've thought of it. But I'm afraid, too."  
"If you ever wanted out… I'm on your side."  
Rory stared at him, "Akira-"  
"I'd help you leave. I… I can't stand to see something happen to you."  
Rory sat up. "I'm the same with you. If you decide to leave… I'll go with you."  
Akira smiled, "that's my rebel." He said and walked over to his counter, lifting the bottle of blue liquor he’d gotten as a gift.  
“Hmm?”  
Rory sat up, a smile on his face. “I could use it.”

Akira woke the next morning to his blood pounding in his ears. He groaned. He was on the couch, his neck cramped at a strange angle. The entire bottle of liquor was empty on the floor, and his head was beating in rhythm with the knocking on his door. Rory was unconscious on the couch next to him, probably equally sore and hung over. Akira moaned, and the door opened.  
Anakin swept in, crossing his arms at the sight. Rex followed, peering in.  
"Really?" Anakin asked, his eyebrow quirked.  
Rory flinched awake, moaning and rubbing his neck.  
"What is it?" Akira asked, a cramp in his lower back twinging as he forced himself into a sitting position.  
"The meeting. You missed it."  
"Fuck." Akira groaned.   
"You two have a party last night or something?" Anakin asked, holding up the bottle.  
Akira could smell his aftershave It was usually quite pleasant but now it made Akira’s stomach turn.  
"Quite the contrary, Anakin, quite the contrary." Akira laughed darkly.  
Rory sat up, looking at Anakin and Rex, his eyes wide.  
"General, Captain-"  
"It's alright, Rory. This was all my fault." Akira said, standing. He shivered, his shirt on the chair beside the couch. Akira looked to Rex who didn't budge, simply standing at attention. But he could sense his feelings, the force surrounding him, and he seemed displeased.  
"We are leaving for Umbara. I suggest you sober up." Anakin suggested and swept from the room, Rex in tow. Akira groaned as the door shut.  
“This looks really bad.” Rory murmured.  
Akira considered this. A Jedi had gotten drunk with his clone subordinate and missed a critical meeting… “Yes, this looks very bad.” He agreed.   
He and Rory showered and dressed, hurrying to get to the ship. Rory was still pulling his boots on when Akira grabbed his saber and his book, rushing out the door. He made his way to the transports, and finding the Officers’ transport, boarded. He was to accompany them to the planet, help the second platoon of the 501st drop supplies, and assist with the battle going on above in his fighter.Akira stood next to Rex, his aura that of a dull pain, like an old bruise that wouldn’t heal. The transport was airborne, and the men began their banter, Akira seeing his opportunity. He felt like he owed him some sort of explanation… but why? He was an individual, and Rory was his friend.  
Akira leaned over, his face beside his ear. "I brought you another book," he said beside Rex's helmet. Rex turned his head to listen, but paused. Akira moved to stand in front of him looking into the visor of his helmet.  
"Rex, are you angry with me?"  
Rex turned, the helmet nearly touching him. "No, sir. Thank you, sir."  
Akira stared at him, "Rex-"  
The ship touched down and they disembarked, Rex shouting orders over the din of the engines. Akira shouted his own orders, distracted. Rex was angry, why? Did someone tell him of what he did? His reputation?   
Trying to break the separatist blockade distracted him for a time, kept him from worrying about Rory, Anakin, the others. From what he’d seen of it, the planet was a hellscape. It was dark, treacherous, and played tricks on the mens’ minds. He worried for Rory; if anyone should be permitted to retire, it was him.   
Once they’d gotten the all clear to land in the capitol, he was relieved, but also nervous about what he may land to find. He was instructed by Anakin to land at the airbase and join them in the conference room on the second floor for a debrief. The building was entirely surrounded by clones, shattered glass everywhere. He landed his ship, rushing to the war room. Anakin, Obi Wan, and Mace Windu were seated at the table, with Rex, Fives, Tup, Kix, and Jesse standing at attention against the wall. Akira bowed his head and joined them at the table, listening to the debrief.  
Akira couldn’t look away from Rex and Fives’ faces during the meeting. Krell had tricked the 501st and the 212th to shoot at one another. Rex had made more desperate, risky calls than Akira could believe, choosing to defy orders repeatedly for his men. His face was frozen, hardened from years of training and battle, but Akira could sense his distress. He was dying inside.  
Mace brought his concerns with Rex’s decision to kill General Krell without a trial, but the other men came to his defense, saying that he had killed many of them in his escape attempt, and planned to join the separatists.   
Mace folded, agreeing, and left Anakin and Obi Wan to make decisions regarding their respective troops before leaving.  
Anakin waved for his men to join him at the table, and they all took their seats. “I’m glad you’re all alright.” Anakin said. “I’m sorry that these things had to happen to you, but I’m proud of the decisions you made.”  
“I’m so sorry, General. About all of it.” Fives said.  
You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for,” Anakin pressed. “I’ve been told the things he’s said to you, and I want you to know that that was General Krell’s opinion alone; you’re all people, not objects, and we value you. You were forced to make terrible decisions.”  
“Shooting- shooting them was an accident.” Kix murmured.  
“We know that. Don’t beat yourself up, you were set up to do that.” Anakin said.  
Kix cried, “I killed four men. Four!”  
Akira turned to look at him. “And if they had seen you first you’d be dead instead. Because you were framed, Kix. You were all framed. Those men don’t blame you as much as you don’t blame them right now for the lives that they took. Everyone is hurting, everyone lost and everyone took lives. But your love and trust for one another stopped the fighting. So many of you were saved, because you trusted Captain Rex, you listened, you worked together to help the wounded and to stop the general from hurting any of you again. With the hand you were dealt, you did remarkably well. On a strange, terrifying planet where death was all around you, you were all pit against one another, afraid for your lives, and you were all able to stop. Not one person was shot once Captain Rex pulled Rigger’s helmet off. Fifteen men were saved by Kix’s quick thinking and training. You pulled down an internal threat together, and saved nearly a hundred of your brothers. None of you have anything to feel ashamed or guilty about.” Akira paused, looking around the circle.   
“But for many of you this may bother you for quite some time, so I invite you to come talk to me or General Skywalker with anything, any time of day.” He added and looked over at Anakin.   
“I can’t get their faces out of my mind…” Jesse said quietly.  
“Jesse, listen. Those men were doomed, as were you, because you were all betrayed. It was luck of the draw who got shot and who didn’t, and we’re lucky you weren’t because you saved so many after the battle. Bad things happen in war, what matters is your intention. You were intending on defeating the enemy to protect your friends from harm. There was no way for you to know otherwise. I’m very, very proud of your actions.” Anakin said.  
Kix let a few tears fall, and Jesse put his arm around him. “Go get something to eat, get some water, and try to go to sleep. You need rest.”  
Akira, Anakin, Cody, and Rex slept in the barracks that night, dispersed throughout the room. They took turns walking the aisles, talking to the men that needed it. Many of the men shared bunks, and Akira was always surprised that more didn’t. They were so isolated, all they had was each other, and physical touch wasn’t only comforting- its human necessity. He assumed their pride and fears got in the way for some- even though in the 501st a word had never been said. But for others, they didn’t care- comfort was comfort.  
Kix was asleep in Jesse’s bunk when Akira walked by, their arms wrapped around one another. Rory had found another bunk as well, hidden under Tup’s blanket.  
When he got to Rex pacing in the aisle, Akira nodded toward the door. Rex nodded, and they head outside the silence of the night refreshing.  
“Rex, you need to get sleep.”  
“I can’t.”  
“You must.”  
“I’m responsible for every. Death!” he cried, his lip quivering. “All of them! I wouldn’t disobey an order.”  
“That’s your job, Rex. Its easy to beat yourself up looking back but you know that at the time, you trusted him and his judgement, and being relieved meant losing more lives. I know that you were thinking that. You did everything right.”  
“Dammit, Akira, so many of them are dead. If I’d seen it sooner, if I’d listened to the men. Even Krell said he was using me. Guess I’m not sharp for a clone.”  
“Hindsight is 20/20. If you disobeyed him he would have pulled rank on you and it would’ve been worse. This is no one’s fault but his, because you went against every single thing you know to stop him. That’s quite a feat. You’re far more than a clone… you’re incredibly intelligent, and you pulled off some remarkably brave feats the last few days.”  
Rex was shaking, and Akira put his hand on his back. He was taking shaky breaths, tears falling to his cheeks, where he quickly wiped them away.  
Akira offered him an embrace, and to his surprise, Rex took it.  
Akira crushed him against his chest, ignoring the discomfort of his armor. He was dirty and smelled like a man who’d spent days fighting for his life, but Akira was happy he was in his arms, and rubbed his back.  
“I’m so sorry I wasn’t here.”  
Rex rested his chin on Akira’s shoulder.  
“I can’t do this anymore.”  
“Do what?”  
“Watch men die.”  
Akira rubbed his back. “I don’t think too many people here disagree with you.”  
Rex took a tearful breath, and Akira released him, looking into his eyes.  
“I’ll always be here to help. No matter what decisions you make.”  
Rex’s eyes widened with understanding. “Thank you.”  
Akira sat before the wall of the airbase, inviting Rex to sit beside him. He obliged, sliding down the wall onto his bottom, his head back and rested against it. Akira could see in the bags under his eyes and the worry lines on his forehead that Rex was in pain. He could feel it.   
“I’m sorry I was rude to you in the ship.” Rex said without opening his eyes.  
Akira looked over at him. “Why were you angry with me?”  
Rex shook his head, “I was just caught up in my thoughts.”  
Akira stared at him. “You weren’t angry that Rory stayed the night at my apartment?”  
Rex looked over at him, his amber eyes unreadable. “Why would I be angry about that?”  
Akira flushed, looking away, “no reason.”  
Rex pursed his lips.  
“I can use the force, help you get to sleep.”  
“No, its alright.” Rex said.  
“You need sleep, you’ll feel better.”  
“I don’t like the force being used on me,” Rex admitted. “Ventress did it to me once and it would’ve gotten Anakin killed if he didn’t know better.”  
“I understand. I’ll never use it on you, then.” Akira promised.  
Rex nodded, and Akira gave him a half smile.  
“Thank you, and thank you for the book as well. That was thoughtful of you.”  
Akira shrugged, “I was thinking of you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please Review, thanks :)


	4. To Snap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The pressures of Umbara weigh on some of the men- Rex finds his breaking point

All of the men of the 501st and the 212th were granted long term leave after the battle to recover. Many had been killed or wounded, and numbers had to be recovered as much as minds and morale. Rex took his own version of leave, however, and agreed to temporarily train some of the fresh cadets on Kamino with Akira, Anakin, and a few of the men from the 212th. Akira and Anakin were meeting with Shaak Ti, discussing some revisions to the training of the adolescent cadets. Rex was with them for a part of the meeting, until Tup was brought in by guards.

"General Skywalker, Captain Rex. This trooper was caught trying to leave the planet."

Anakin nodded to Rex for him to handle it, and he tipped his head in understanding. He took Tup's elbow from the guards' and led him out across the hall to Akira's temporary space, knowing the door was unlocked.

"What are you doing? Trying to leave?"

Tup sat on the sofa, his fingers intertwined behind his neck. "I don't know, sir, I'm sorry."

"Why were you trying to leave?"

"No reason, sir-"

"Why were you trying to leave?" Rex shouted.

"I wanted to leave! For good! I don't want to do this anymore!" Tup shouted, his eyes wide. Tears hung in his gaze, and Rex sat on the table across from him, taking his hands. Sometimes he forgot how young Tup was compared to the rest of them.

"What happened?" Rex asked. "What's making you feel this way?"

"Umbara, the firing squad, the men I killed…" he cried, tears falling onto his knees, "I can't do this anymore. I killed my friends-"

"We all did, Tup. We all killed our friends that day. We all almost shot Fives and Jesse. We're all haunted by it. But defecting is giving up on your brothers. The ones that are alive, and fighting every day. You're a good soldier, and a good person. We need you here with us. We want you here."

"It doesn't change what I did."

"You didn't do anything wrong. It was a mistake, we were set up. Some of our men were shot too, and those men of the 212th have to live with it. Everyone there that day… is suffering with you. But you don't have to be alone, come and talk to me, to Cody, to Fives… we're here for you. Don't get yourself killed trying to defect."

"I'm sorry, Captain. I just, I don't think I can live with myself."

"Live with yourself knowing that you didn't do it on purpose. That your guilt is good, it makes you a human. If you didn't feel bad, you'd be a crazy murderer or something."

Rex smirked, nudging him gently. "I mean it. You are not alone."

Tup threw his arms around Rex's neck, and Rex returned the embrace. The door opened, and Rex looked back at Akira.

"Sorry, Rex-"

"No, its ok," he said, and stood. "Tup and I were discussing Umbara."

Akira nodded, and Tup wiped his face. "I know you're in pain. Every one of your brothers that survived that day is in pain. But keeping it to yourself is what's going to be your undoing."

"Yes, Sir."

Akira smiled, "tomorrow, I could really use an assistant teaching those cadets at target practice. Are you game?"

Tup smiled, "yes, sir."

"Good, I've never been great at child wrangling."

Rex got up early the next day and prepared for his assignment. He was to simply supervise and instruct the cadets while they sparred, practicing their fighting and martial arts skills. The Sergeant from the 212th, Silver, was standing next to Rex, watching the Cadets. Cody was with them, helping a few of the younger cadets with their form.

"I'm glad you made it through Umbara alright, Captain. Congrats on your achievements." Silver said, his perfect smile flashed.

Rex felt like he'd been the one to lose the most of all those involved, but nodded, "I don't feel very lucky, but thank you."

"You did great, it was Anakin and Akira that dropped the ball, leaving the 501st to fend for themselves with crazy Krell."

Rex looked over at him, "Anakin was ordered to leave by the council, and Akira was working on the blockade… Krell was the only criminal."

"Sure they, were… but one of them should've stayed. Well, Anakin should've stayed. Akira doesn't know anything about battle."

"Akira was a captain of the Temple guard. He's just new to the General aspect of it, that's all."

"That's an understatement. I've been on patrol in Coruscant and I'll tell you, He's taken enough people to bed in the last few weeks than I've seen all the other Jedi combined. His mind is definitely elsewhere."

"What's that have to do with anything?" Rex asked, his stomach turning. Was that true? He'd seen the woman in the alley but…

"Rex, just admit you want to bed the General and get on with it."

Rex stiffened, "What did you say to me?"

"Come on, you're always looking at him, you were snuggled up in his arms on Umbara."

"I suggest you watch your mouth, Sergeant," Rex commanded, and Silver crossed his arms. "Or I'll move you to sanitation, with the rest of the trash."

"I don't know what you see in a jedi that killed his own master and got moved to the guard so the council wouldn't have to look at him. That's the kind of person I'd definitely want to sleep with."

Rex turned toward the Sergeant, his finger in his face. "Starting rumors will bring you nothing but trouble, Silver. I suggest you keep your head on straight and watch who you're talking to."

"You're right. He'd never go for you, anyway. He wouldn't break protocol for a man with a hundred thousand look alikes bopping around. If it's a piece of ass you want, you're better off going for the shinies, help them get up the ranks."

Rex's fist was into the Sergeant's nose before he'd even finished processing his words. His taunting sneer, the knowing look in his eyes… He straddled the Sergeant, slamming his fist into his face again and again, a guttural, primal scream tearing from his throat. His words were right- he was just a clone. Krell had said it perfectly, he was a creature made in a lab. There were thousands others that looked exactly like him. They were all disposable, property. What Jedi would risk getting expelled from the order for a test tube clone? He was one of a million, literally.

"Rex, stop!" Cody shouted, trying to pull him off of the Sergeant. He ignored him, continuing his beating, shoving Cody off. Akira ran in with a few guards, putting Rex in a headlock and pulling his arm around his back. Rex's face was mashed into the floor, Akira kneeling on his back.

"Stop it, Rex!" He shouted, and the other clones ran over to the Sergeant, moaning on the ground.

"Stop!" Rex was shaking, every muscle in his body twitching for more. He took a deep breath, Akira's cologne flooding him, and he began to come down, the horror of what he'd done taking hold of him. Of Akira restraining him like an animal. He tried to stand, but Akira held him firmly in place.

"You need to breathe for a moment." Akira said quietly, his arm tight across his chest, the other arm holding Rex's behind him. "Calm down."

"Sir I-"

"Shh."

Rex breathed, Cody standing over him with a worried expression. Kix ran in with a med kit, looking at Rex with his eyes wide.

"He tried to kill me! Crazy loon," Silver moaned, lying in a pool of his blood.

"Sir," the temple guard said, "we will take Captain Rex-"

"No," he said and stood, Rex's arm still twisted behind his back. "I'll handle it from here, thank you."

He nodded for Cody to continue the lesson, and he did, getting the rest of the cadets in line again. Once in the hallway, Akira released Rex's arm. He lead him back to his temporary quarters, where he held the door for him. Rex's head was hung, but straightened as the General entered.

Akira sat on his desk, Rex at parade rest.

"What was that about?" Akira asked, his deeper tone curling around the question. He was in dark maroon robes, the jedi emblem on his shoulder. His dark hair was mussed and swept back his blue eyes searching Rex's. What did Silver mean he'd killed his own master? Why did Akira go into the guard only to return?

"Nothing. I lost my temper, Sir. I will not allow it to happen again, sir."

Akira's eyebrow rose. "Rex. I thought we were better friends than this."

Rex swallowed, looking out the window beyond the general. "Talk to me. I don't sense any anger in you, just… fear."

Rex sighed, "I'm, I'm simply going through something personal, sir. I won't let it affect my work again."

"I don't care about the work. If there's something you're going through, I want to talk about it, I want to help you work through it."

Rex met Akira's eyes, and his heart pound, "Sir, I don't think you can."

Akira nodded, standing. "Take the next few days off, Rex, clear your head. I'm here if you need someone to talk to."

"That's not-"

"Rex. Its an order."

Rex bobbed his head, "yes sir. Thank you."

Rex spent his few days off in the Med Wing. He'd told them he had thought he'd hit his head, and requested scans. They let him sleep and gave him fluids, and he spent the time he was awake reading the book Akira had given him. All of his scans had come back fine, and they allowed him to stay and rest until he was to return to duty. What was wrong with him? He couldn't put his finger on why he was acting the way he was. Why was Akira such a sore subject? Why did he make his heart pound and his palms sweaty? Why was he jealous of people who got to spend time with him?

He could be in love with him. He was a clone but he wasn't that clueless. He was infatuated with the man. The way he walked, the way he talked, his laugh, even the smell of his clothes when he stood near him were intoxicating. He thought about him almost constantly, to the point where he'd begin walking around just to try to get a glimpse of him. What he couldn't understand was why couldn't he make it stop? He had free will, seemingly. He didn't want these feelings. They were inconvenient, they were against protocol, and they were painful. Why couldn't he will himself to let Akira go? If he acted on them, he'd be rejected, and then probably reconditioned. Why couldn't his brain get that? There were to be no relationships between the clones and anyone else, and there were to be no attachments between Jedi and another… why couldn't he see?

Akira was just so… kind. Yes, the jedi were generally kind but Akira was genuine. He meant it when he said something. He wasn't out to confuse people or make them feel inferior… he was just another person trying to get through this garbage war. He was so approachable and pleasant...

Rex growled and slammed his hands on the bed, putting his hands over his ears.

"I can't take this anymore!"

"Then let someone in."

Rex flinched, knocking the book on the floor. Cody shut the door behind him, his helmet under his arm.

"Cody-"

"You know I've been looking for you for days, right?"

Rex sighed, looking at the floor.

"The last time I saw you, you were being dragged off by General Kutae for beating Silver in front of fifty Cadets. Just after a battle where you and your battalion killed friendlys, some nearly in a firing squad. And just before that, you weren't sleeping, you were getting drunk… I thought you'd finally lost your mind and got tossed or reconditioned."

Rex sighed. "I'm sorry, Cody."

"With the way you're acting, its going to happen. You're destroying yourself."

"I know that!" Rex shouted. "You think I don't know that? You think I want this?"

"Then get it together!"

"I can't!" Rex shouted, standing. "I'm trying, Cody, I'm trying to fix whatever has gone loose in my head but I can't seem to! And I'm scared!"

"Then tell me what's wrong so I can help you! I want to help you, Rex, you're my brother!"

Rex's chest was heaving, "Cody, I can't… Its bad."

Cody's jaw was set. "I don't care."

"You don't understand, its… very bad." Rex said, his heart pounding. Would Cody tell Obi Wan or something? Out him?

"You can tell me anything, and we can figure it out together." Cody promised, setting his helmet down.

"No," he breathed, "No not this, this is, personal."

Cody stepped forward, putting his hands on Rex's shoulders.

"Rex'ika, I'm worried about you. Whatever this is, its eating you alive. You are my brother, and I love you. I need you to talk to me."

Rex broke, tears spilling into his eyes. Hearing his pet name from when they were in training brought down the last of his walls. He needed someone, he needed to reach out, to be heard. "I'm… I've lost it, Cody. If they find out, they'll terminate me. Its not normal."

"Tell me, Rex." Cody pressed.

"Its the General, Akira, I… I… want him." He whispered, a sob escaping him. His teeth chattered.

"You think you want the General like that?" Cody whispered, and Rex sobbed.

"Cody, Cody please… please don't leave me, don't abandon me."

"I'm not going anywhere," he assured him. "Are you sure you're not mistaken, its not that you simply like him-"

"I tried to convince myself of that, but, its more than that. I know its unnatural- that its a hiccup in my programming or something but- I don't want to be court martialed or terminated-"

"That's not going to happen. There are other clones and even Jedi who have relationships with one another, you've heard it. Nothing bad is going to happen to you. The Jedi, they care about us."

Rex sobbed, the release of keeping such a secret for so long too much to hold back. Cody embraced him, rubbing his back. "Don't be upset, you're alright."

"I can't get rid of it."

"You have to talk to him."

Rex stood, his heart fumbling in his chest. "I could never. He'll just tell me how disgusting I am."

"No. Akira wouldn't do that and you know it. He helped Tup, he saved you from being arrested for beating Silver… just talk to him. No matter what he says, you'll have closure. You can move on with closure, and leave this behind you. Akira will be kind, and you can stop dwelling on the 'what ifs.'"

Rex bobbed his head, his jaw set. He was right. He just had to get it over with.

"Ok."


	5. The Past in The Present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akira relives his trauma with his former master

_The sun seemed closer than it ever had prior, beating into the back of his neck, heating his dark hair and sending sweat beads down his spine. It was hard to think, hard to breathe… But he focused on his master, her robes billowing out behind her in the dry desert heat. Plo Koon was with them, chattering on to his master about something he had found in his studies. Akira couldn't listen to anything, not in this heat…_

_"Akira," His master called, and he hurried toward her as best as he could in the sand. She pulled her scarf away from her face, dirt clinging to her eyelashes. "Have your saber ready. We don't know where or when he'll appear… he's an illusionist you know..." Her voice trailed off, and the desert fell away, revealing the ruins they would travel days to find. It'd been three days since they'd entered the desert, and the ruins had finally turned up. Akira was excited, one of his last missions with his master…_

_He ran through the ruins, shouting for her. The laughing of the crime lord they'd been searching for echoing throughout. His taunting stretched from every corner, every vacant doorway, leaving Akira standing in the center, screaming for her._

_"Master Lyra!" He cried, but the cry stayed in his head, the laughing crushing in instead. The buildings grew, and Akira found his feet unable to move. He was unable to peak, unable to lift his saber. He just watched as the crime lord dangled his master over the edge, Plo Koon standing beside him._

_"Release her!" Plo had called. "There will be no repercussions for what you've done here today if you Let. Her. Go."_

_Akira was shaking, tears in his eyes._

_"If you insist," The man responded, letting her go. She fell, her silent descent punctuated by a sickening crack at the bottom._

_Akira cried out, lifting his saber._

_"No!" Plo cried, but Akira had already finished the swing, throwing his saber up toward the balcony, impaling the crime lord who had just ruthlessly murdered his master. But Plo ran over to the body on the ground, a scarecrow in her clothes lying there on the ground. Akira ran over to the body of the crime lord, and threw back its hood._

_Master Lystra._

_"Oh, Ooooh," Akira cried, falling back on his bottom. "Master!"_

_She smiled, reaching out to him. He looked back at Plo, who watched on sadly, before taking her hands._

_"I'm so sorry Master, I'm so sorry, please-"_

_"Shh," she coughed, stroking his cheek. "Don't blame yourself. You're to be a magnificent Jedi, my boy. Go forward with love."_

_Her eyes unfocused, and her body turned to ash in a pyre in the desert, Plo Koon at his side. In the fire, her half burned face turned toward him, eyes opened, she screamed._

Akira woke with a jolt.

He tried to ground himself with a few deep breaths, searching his room for the crime lord, for the desert ruins, but there was none. Lyra's gaze was burned into his mind, it flashing each time he closed his eyes. He rose, pacing over to the window, his chest still heaving. What was he doing? What was he doing trying to do, rejoining the order, rejoining comrades on the field? He'd avoided command for now, yes, trying to protect in place of leading, but it was only a matter of time. Why did he let Yoda talk him into leaving the guard and rejoining the ranks? He said Lyra would have wanted him to live to his potential… potential for what? Killing those he loved?

He pulled on his jacket, hurrying down the hallway. His slippered feet were muffled, but still felt like they echoed in the silent, clinically lit hallway. His own breaths were still heaving in his chest. He came to Motie's door and knocked, looking down the hallway for any curious eyes. The door opened, and Motie squinted in the light.

"Akira, do you have any idea what time it is?"

He shook his head, and she stepped aside, letting him in. Motie's guard's mask was leaned against her caff maker, the gold glimmering its amusement in the light.

"You've been back from Kamino for two days and you're here already, so I'm guessing you're here after midnight because you're either drunk or upset, so which is it?"

"I, I had a nightmare, about Lyra again. But this time, this time, it feels more, taunting. I can't do this, Motie, I can't be on the field responsible for so many lives. I can't kill someone-"

"Woah, woah, slow down. Akira, I know how you feel about Lyra and what happened. But, you can't drag that through every decision you make for the rest of your life. You were an entirely different person then, you were only seventeen… you've grown significantly since then, as a person and as a jedi. But if this is going to ruin you, maybe you should talk to master Yoda about coming back to the guard. You know we'd love you back."

He ran his hand through his hair, "I'm afraid of getting attached to these men, of getting them killed or watching them die. I don't think I could take it."

"Akira, people die sooner or later, I know that's no comfort, but if you got to the end of your life having watched everyone else enjoy theirs while you stuck to the sidelines in order to protect yourself, you'd have one terrible existence. Reach out, talk to them, get close to people and trust them. There's no shame in asking for help or admitting something is too much, and there's also no shame in coming back to the guard."

"Maybe…" he considered, his heart rate finally drifting back down to a normal range. "I'll, I'll try what you said, and if its too much then, I'll come back to the guard."

She smiled. "Either decision is ok."

He smiled, and she offered him an embrace. He wrapped his arms around her, and she took a deep breath, his chin rested in her dark hair.

"Thank you."

Akira didn't try to hide his exhaustion the following day. The dark circles beneath his eyes were monument to the suffering he'd endured the previous night, and he had no interest in hiding it. He simply didn't care any more. Rex, Bly and Cody were at the holomap as well, listening to Mace discuss the troop movements on nearby planets. Akira didn't know or care which ones. He found himself instead watching Rex's lean, lithe waist… how his biceps moved beneath his armor… what he must look like in only his blacks…

He shook his head, refocusing on the map. He was tired. Very tired. Rex? He hadn't thought about it… where did that come from?

"Akira… are you feeling alright? You don't look so good."

Akira looked up, and all eyes were on him. Windu's arms were crossed, he was waiting for a response.

"No, actually, Master. I haven't been feeling well."

"Perhaps you should go to the healer."

"Yes, thank you, master." Akira said, and excused himself. He needed a few days of sleep...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading, please please review!


	6. Reveal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rex finally goes to talk to Akira

Rex walked up to Akira's small apartment, a canister of soup in his hand. His entire body was shaking, and his jaw was clenched. If Akira seemed up to it, he was going to talk to him. He'd promised Cody, and he was right. He had to talk to him, or he'd always wonder. He knocked at the door, taking a deep breath. Whatever he did or said… it would end his harping once and for all.

The door swung open, and Akira stood before him in his lounge clothes, a glass of wine in his hand.

"Rex, come on in." Akira greeted, stepping aside. Rex entered, and trailed after Akira into the living space where a giant pile of maps lie on his table. He sat on the couch, Rex across from him.

"How are you feeling?"

Akira shrugged, "I'm ok, just missing out on rest and its getting to my head. Is that for me?" Akira asked, pointing to the canister.

"Yes, I admit I didn't make it, but its the best I could get the mess to make."

"Well I appreciate it all the same." Akira smiled and set it on the counter.

"Working on a project?" Rex asked, trying to get comfortable, to work out how stiff he knew he was coming off.

"I'm familiarizing myself with the surrounding systems. I don't know as many as I'd thought, and I want to be more helpful in planning."

Rex looked at the maps, his hands clenched between his knees.

"What's wrong?"

Rex swallowed, Akira's eyes were trained on him. "What makes you think something is wrong?"

"I can sense your fear, you're afraid. Why?"

Rex sighed, "I'd like to get into that a little later."

Akira searched his face, and Rex looked away, his mind reading jedi powers making him feel raw and exposed in the chilled room. "If there's something I can ever help you with, Rex, I will. I hope that is what brought you here, but I don't want fear to drive you away. I'm here to help you."

Rex bobbed his head, cringing inwardly. He was being so professional… A mentor.

"How about a glass of wine, hmm?"

Rex was about to object, but Akira was already pouring him a glass.

Rex drank it was a shaking hand, and then another before loosening up, moving to sit next to Akira and help him with his maps. They were of various separatist planets, and Rex recognized them. He told him of each planet he'd visited and pointed out their weak and strong points. He told him of the unexpected pros and cons of each landscape, his slender fingers skirting along each map. Akira was excited by this, asking questions, combing through maps and taking notes on each. He listened to Rex so carefully, his eyes alight with what he was learning, with Rex's expertise. He poured Rex another glass of wine. Then another. His head was getting foggier, but with each glass he felt more like himself, more protected from his own thoughts.

Akira's lids looked heavy as well, his hand working a little harder to find the table with his glass.

"I knew you were good, Rex, but I didn't think you'd been to so many of these places, fought on so many of these battle fields."

Rex took a sip of his wine, "I just go where they tell me."

"Don't be so modest, your cleverness has weaseled you and the 501st out of many, many situations that seemed hopeless. Anakin has told me of your quick thinking and bravery, I'm honored to have you by my side, Rex."

Rex looked over at him, and his blue eyes were trained on him, his eyes, his lips. Rex's heart fluttered, his lips parting. He took a deep breath, the smell of caff wafting off of him, mingling with the wine on his breath and the must of his cologne. It made his stomach flutter, and Akira's lips parted ever so slightly. His face had never been this close to anyone else's, and the short distance between them was electric, drawing him in.

And he kissed him.

Akira flinched so violently under his touch that Rex instinctively pulled away, falling off the couch and onto the floor with a thud. Akira was staring at him with wide eyes, frozen on the couch.

"Sir," Rex stuttered, standing, and swaying. He staggered toward the couch, the room spinning. He could speak clearly when he was drunk, getting up was always the part he struggled with.

"Rex… what..."

"I-I don't know, its the wine, I'm sorry-" He stammered, his wine sodden brain trying to drag itself through the issue at hand.

Rex turned, his fingernails digging into the back of his neck, trying to explain. He hurried toward the door, his hands out to catch the door frame. Akira stood trying to follow him out, but Rex didn't give him the time to think, slamming the door behind him.

"Rex, wait!"

Rex took a shaking breath. He was going to be terminated.

Who could he talk to? Cody was away with Kenobi…

Anakin.

Anakin was with Padme, if anyone understood, it'd be someone in a forbidden marriage. Rex pretended he didn't know for Anakin's sake… but he'd be involved too many times for Anakin to truly believe he was clueless.

He staggered to Anakin's quarters, which luckily weren't far from Akira's. He assumed Akira was either downing the rest of the bottle or looking for shoes to chase him with, and Rex preferred not to find out. He didn't want to see him, to see his horrified face again. He leaned against Anakin's door frame, knocking on the door.

Anakin answered, his eyebrow quirked.

"Rex? It's past midnight."

"I've done something terrible, sir. I need to talk to you. Please."

Anakin let him inside, turning on the light. Rex sagged, tears in his eyes.

"What did you do?"

"I-" Rex hesitated. He didn't know if he could stomach the same, disgusted face from Anakin, too. "I don't think I can tell you."

Anakin crossed his arms. "You woke me to tell me something, and now you can't tell me?"

"Sir, I'm afraid." Rex had never uttered those words in his life, not out loud.

Anakin's eyes widened, and he put his hands on his shoulders. "You have nothing to be afraid of here. Let me help you."

"I'm going to be Court Martialed, or terminated," he whispered.

"What did you do?" Anakin pressed, his grip tightening on Rex's shoulder.

"I-I- I kissed General Kutae."

Anakin's eyes widened. "What?"

Rex gripped Anakin's tunic, "I was drunk, I am drunk... I didn't mean anything by it."

Anakin crossed his arms. "What made you kiss him?"

"I-" he stuttered, "I'm in love with him, sir." Rex cried, shaking. He lost his footing and staggered, Anakin grabbing him by the arm.

"Shh, Rex, its alright."

"Its not! He's revolted by me now, and I'm going to be court martialed or reconditioned. I've humiliated myself and the 501st."

Anakin pulled Rex up onto his feet with a firm hand. "Listen to me. That is not true. Every clone is a person, Rex, every clone feels the things that you do. Just like everyone else, some clones like men, some women, some none at all, and some both. Every clone feels fear, wants to feel love and comfort. That's why you're all so close, is it not? There's nothing wrong with your feelings, Rex."

"Akira-"

"Akira isn't angry or revolted. He's not going to Court Martial you or tell anyone. He's working through some issues of his own, so he's going to need a little space to get his thoughts together, but that doesn't mean anything."

"Anakin, I didn't want this to happen-"

"It doesn't matter what you wanted. Its happened now. I'll talk to him tomorrow. You give Akira a day or two, and then go and talk to him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, next time, Akira and Rex finally sit down to talk


	7. Let The Games Begin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now the real obstacles begin to show themselves and the real story begins...

Anakin continued to check in. Each day on his way to meet Obi Wan, he dropped into the meditation room in the temple. Statues and dimmed candles were lined down the center aisle of the stone room, the only sound his own footsteps. He continued to check, and each day Akira was still kneeling in the furthest corner, his head resting against the wall. He didn't leave his spot in the meditation room for three days. He didn't blink, he didn't eat… He sat, silent. This wasn't entirely odd for him, since his master had died, he'd taken long bouts of silence, meditation sessions as long as a week. He poured himself into the force, wouldn't allow himself to rise until his thoughts and emotions were sorted.

Anakin knew why he was there, however, and knelt beside him.

"You can't avoid him forever." He murmured.

Akira didn't move, "who?"

Anakin smirked, "Don't play with me. You didn't think that running away and vanishing would make him panic? Make him come to me?"

Akira shifted. "That wasn't my intention. I didn't want to approach him without knowing what I wanted to say."

Anakin sat back on his heels. "You know what you're going to say. You don't want to say it, you don't want to face him. So you're hiding in the only place in the galaxy he's not allowed to enter."

Akira's eyes opened, his lashes still resting on his cheeks. "I wish none of this happened. That I had stayed a guard."

Anakin sighed, "I know you feel responsible for Lyra's death-"

"I am responsible for Lyra's death." Akira corrected. "I killed her." Akira looked over at him, his eyes bloodshot. "I can't get her face out of her mind, her expression when she realized she was about to die, and at my hand. The faces of all the jedi judging me as I walk through the halls, their whispers, claiming I did it on purpose, or that I'm incompetent. Taking that mask off and leaving the guard… Its been weighing on me. I don't feel like I'm in the place to say anything to anyone."

Anakin frowned, channeling his inner Obi Wan, "Akira people are going to die, you can't avoid everyone because you're afraid. You left the guard because you wanted purpose, relationships. So do it. Stop hiding from the world."

"Anakin-"

"No. No more. I lost my mother, and you think I don't feel responsible? Because I wasn't there to protect her? Of course I do. But she wouldn't want me to feel that way, so I try to do her proud, and do better with each passing day. Lyra didn't die for you to slowly die alongside her. Fight for her."

Akira bobbed his head. His reddened eyes shone with a glimmer of hope. "She'd be fairly cross with me if she saw me." He said with the hint of a question.

"Of course she would. Now go live your life, people's opinions be damned."

Akira smiled, knowing the meaning behind the married Jedi's words. "You're right. Thank you, Anakin."

Anakin watched him walk from the temple, "Anytime." He breathed, his own thoughts returning to Padme, and his chest filled with dread heavy enough to pin him to the floor. No. He wouldn't be fearful. He would simply find a way to prevent his fate from becoming Akira's.  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Rex meandered through the hallway, passed the mess hall and out into the common area. It was colder than Rex would like, the wind whipping and getting to his skin beneath his armor. He'd be getting on a starship the following day, and he never did hear Akira's name in the briefing. He could wrap his head around rejection, but this way… he was tormenting himself. What if he hated him? He could be reporting him at that moment, setting him up to be terminated or reconditioned. Or court martialed… It'd go public, and his men would lose respect for him, and for what? A crush on a jedi?

He sighed, nodding his head at a passing trooper. He followed the path around clearing and sat on the bench at the edge of the gardens. He'd gone to Akira's apartment twice- He wouldn't answer the door. He'd asked around, but no one had seen him. He'd fallen off the face of the planet, and Rex would never get his closure. He chuckled darkly. Just his luck.

He heard footsteps, and in his peripheral vision saw the ivory of Akira's robes, his brown boots thudding against the cobblestone. Rex's heart began to pound, but didn't turn to look at him.

"Hello."

Rex didn't look up or remove his helmet.

"It took me quite a while to find you, considering you've been looking for me."

Rex didn't move. "I needed to speak with you, and you never came around, sir." His knees began to bounce involuntarily, and he quickly stilled himself, his heart taking up the quickened rhythm in their place.

Akira sighed, "I'm sorry. I needed some time to myself, but I was selfish about it. It wasn't my intention to torment you."

Rex shook his head. "You don't need to apologize to me, sir. Its none of my business."

"Rex, please. Stop with the formalities." Akira's tone was gravel on pavement, rough and painful.

Rex started, looking over at Akira his eyes were red, surrounded by dark circles. "I'm sorry."

Akira sat beside him with a huff, and Rex cleared his throat, "I'm sorry about what I did. It was extraordinarily inappropriate, and I crossed far too many boundaries. I was drunk, and I'm very sorry." He said, his heart pounding.

"Talk me through that," Akira asked, and pulled off Rex's helmet. Rex felt exposed, his expressions were always far more animated than he wanted, giving away every reaction before even he knew it. He looked down at his feet. "All I can sense from you is fear. Shame. What is it that you won't tell me? Why are you so afraid?"

"I'm not afraid," Rex said quietly, the gravity of his lie coloring his cheeks.

"Rex, for once, trust me," Akira pressed, turning toward him. "Talk to me!"

"Akira, I kissed you because… because... I think I'm falling in love with you!" Rex blurted, his eyes wide.

Akira's mouth fell open. "You- you're falling in love… with me?" Rex stared, his chest heaving. "I had no idea- how?"

Rex stood, shaking his head. "I never should have said that."

"Rex I- I had no idea," Akira said again, grabbing his wrist. Rex could feel the warmth of his grasp from beneath his armor.

"I don't expect anything, sir, I'm a clone, expendable, I get that, sir, my behavior is inappropriate for someone of my status."

"Why didn't you tell me? Talk to me? You're not disposable, don't be absurd," he spat. "No one thinks that of you."

"The kaminoans, the republic. We were made to die."

"I can't speak for them, but the jedi do not think that way and you know it. You are valuable, Rex. An individual."

Rex angrily wiped tears from his eyes, "I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing?" Akira asked quietly.

Rex shook his head, "I've broken your trust."

"No," Akira said, Pulling Rex gently back onto the bench. "If anything, I feel like I can trust you more, now that you're not hiding this from me." He smiled, but it faded. "I was hiding from you because I didn't how how I felt about that."

"What do you mean?"

"I liked it, Rex. I wanted you to kiss me that night. I just didn't expect it to actually happen."

Rex blushed, looking up.

"Me?"

Akira laughed, "yes you. Rex, I just- I'm conflicted. It's a side of my life that I never really gave the time of day. Casual hookups, yes, but I never let my mind go beyond that. Where I've spent so much time with you- its different. I have feelings for you."

Rex bobbed his head, unable to hide the grin that bubbled up from within. Akira laughed, reddening, and Rex smiled even wider. He blushed! For him!

"Why don't we head back to my quarters where we can speak openly."

Rex bobbed his head, and followed him to his office. Akira sat on the couch, Rex in the chair beside him.

"I just wanted to be able to talk to you without worrying about being overheard. I sensed a great relief in you and I don't want to take that from you by not being genuine."

Rex watched Akira's hands wring nervously. "Rex, I don't want you to ever think that I would do anything to hurt you. You can tell me anything."

"I just- its against protocol."

"That doesn't matter to me. Even if I didn't have feelings for you, I'd want the best for you. I don't care about protocol, I care about you."

"Where I'm a clone… one of thousands just like me… its hard to think that I could stand out to you…"

"None of you are the same to me. Even visually, the more time passes, the more you all grow apart. You're an individual, an incredible individual."

Rex smiled, "thank you."

Akira sighed, "When I was meditating, I was weighing options, thinking of approaches to this… and I have a proposal."

Rex sat up, his heart pounding.

"We're at war. Either one of us could die at any moment, and any kind of public affection would get us both, but especially you, in trouble. So why don't we just go where the tide takes us, not label anything or have any expectations until this whole mess is over, hmm?"

Rex smiled. He never fathomed the idea of being able to be himself behind closed doors. He didn't think he knew how to be truly Rex in the presence of another. "I like that."

Akira grinned, "good. So, I want you to feel like this space is your space, even when I'm not here."

"Thank you," Rex said, and pulled off his chest plate digging into his shoulder. He wasn't used to sitting on something soft, and neither was his armor. "So, about that woman-"

Akira's head cocked, "Motie? You saw that?"

Rex nodded, looking toward the door.

"Motie, Motie is just a friend. You see, the guard is very different from the rest of the order. We're very isolated, and have only each other. So we end up being everything for each other. Friend, brother, sparring partner-"

"Lover."

Akira frowned, and Rex flushed. "There's nothing between us at all. I sought comfort in her company. I was lonely, afraid. I'll not be seeing her again except as a friend."

"When I saw her with you I didn't think you would go for me, being a man." Rex explained.

"There was another, Knoxly, who I was very close with as well. He is a good friend, but I promise you my visitations to the guard will be strictly casual."

"You don't owe me-"

"I want to. I no longer have need for empty physical relationships."

Rex couldn't stop smiling, couldn't stop the joy that had bubbled up in his core. He'd been so ready for the worst, so ready for rejection, that this surprise was almost too much for him. It was the most personal any conversation had ever been in his life, and he felt like a safe unlocked for the first time in years.

They talked until late into the night, long after lights had been turned out in the barracks. About anything and everything but the war. It wasn't until Akira rose to use the fresher that either one of them noticed the time.

"Oh, I have to go." Rex mused, pulling on his armor.

"Why don't you stay the night?" Akira suggested.

Rex's eyes widened.

"I have no motive; I mean sleep here. You won't wake Cody and no one will be suspicious."

Rex considered. Trust me. "Alright."

Akira smiled and led him into his bedroom, flicking on the light. He bed was meant for one, but was still larger than his bunk, where men sometimes still slept in pairs. Akira pulled open a drawer and placed a pair of pajamas on the bureau. "The fresher is through there, you can throw your blacks in the washer if you'd like, they'll be dry for you in the morning." he pointed, and Rex took the pajamas, heading toward it. He shut the door and stripped out of his armor and blacks, pulling on Akira's soft pajamas. They were plain, but it'd been a long time Rex had slept in anything meant for sleeping. He did as Akira suggested and tossed his blacks in the small washer behind the closet door, and exited into the bedroom. Akira was already in his pajamas, pulling down the dark red covers. Akira climbed in, and Rex walked around the other side, feeling self-conscious.

Akira smiled encouragingly, pulling down the blanket on his side. Rex climbed in, the bed far softer than his bunk. The chill of the covers faded in the presence of Akira's body heat, not too far from his own, and Akira switched off the light.

"Goodnight, Rex."

"Goodnight, Akira."  
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Rex woke with a gasp, shooting up. He turned, the dim light of the city barely illuminating the room.

"Rex." Akira said calmly, but Rex was still on high alert. His mind was lagging, unsure of how he'd gotten there. Was he in danger? He wasn't sure, his brothers' dead faces in his mind, blaster fire in his ears.

"Cody!" He called, and Akira touched his shoulder.

"Rex its me, Akira. You're in my room, you stayed the night. You're safe, Cody is safe."

Rex recognized the room, and his vision cleared enough to make out Akira's worried expression.

"I'm sorry I-"

"Its ok. I have them, too." Akira murmured, a sadness finding his eyes.

Rex looked down at the bed, slowly lying back onto the soft pillow. Akira's hand touched his shoulder, and Rex rolled over to look at him. Akira pulled him into his arms cautiously with silent question, but Rex didn't protest. Akira embraced him, holding Rex firmly against him. He rubbed his back, Rex's face pressed into Akira's neck.

A wash of comfort overcame Rex, his lips parting in awe. He leaned into Akira, wrapping his own arms around him. He was so warm, felt so good in his arms. Akira's hand found the back of his head, caressing his neck. Rex was still shaking, and Akira held him close, his warm breath at his neck.

Rex had never felt so comfortable in his life. He'd done something similar with Cody a few times, one of them was hysterical about something and the other would crawl into the bunk and hold them while they cried, but this was soft, loving, gentle.

"Akira." Rex murmured, grasping his shirt. He'd never felt anything like it before.

"I'm right here, its ok."

Rex nuzzled into his neck, breathing in the smell of Akira's musky aftershave.  
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

They woke the next morning to the sun streaming in. Rex could feel Akira rubbing lazy circles over his back. He opened his eyes, and Akira had Rex cradled to his chest in one arm, and a book in the other.

Akira sensed he was awake and looked down. "Morning."

"Morning," Rex said, resting his head on Akira's chest. "Sorry for waking you."

"Don't apologize. I'll wake you one day I'm sure."

"What time is it?"

"Dunno."

Rex sat up, his eyes wide. It was after eight. "I'm late."

"Late for what?"

He jumped out of the bed, running into the bathroom. He pulled his blacks from the wash/dry unit and pulled on his armor.

Akira stood, scratching his head. "Aren't you on leave?"

"Negative, Sir- I mean, no. The squad is on leave, I am not."

"When do you get leave?" Akira asked with a yawn.

"I generally don't."

Akira frowned. "You are getting leave. Today."

"You can talk to Anakin about that."

"I will."

Rex hurried from the apartment and down the corridor to the meeting room. Cody looked up as he entered, a worried expression on his face.

"Where have you been?" He asked as the meeting began.

"I'll explain later."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading, please review!


	8. The Echo of War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akira worries while rex is on a mission to The Citadel; Rory brings up some interesting news

Akira grunted, ducking just before Rory's training staff swung by his head.  
Rory paused, staring at Akira. "Are you alright? I've never gotten that close-" but he was cut off by Akira getting to his feet, swinging his training saber at him. With renewed rage. He wasn't in the mood for Rory's chiding, the concern that sat more than evident in the crease between his eyes. He knew something was plaguing Akira, but he didn’t know what. He didn’t know that Akira’s mind was full of worry and fear that something would happen to Rex while at the citadel with Anakin. He’d heard stories, knew things about the citadel. If they were captured, he would be worse than dead, and the likelihood of that happening was extraordinarily high…  
Akira swung the stick hard toward Rory's torso, but he moved just in time, regaining his balance and readying his own training staff. What he didn't expect was for Akira to pass it behind his back and strike him in the rib, then sweep his legs, knocking him to the ground. Akira swung over his head, the deadly arc pausing just before Rory's face. Akira’s breaths were coming in huffs, the slight tang of fear in the force surrounding his friend tinging his own attitude with guilt. Akira put out his hand, helping Rory up. Akira knew he was in a mood, that he was being unfair. Bit part of his mood was that he didn't care if he was being a jerk. Rex was on a mission with Skywalker… he had a right to be worried.  
Rory rubbed his rib, and Akira sighed "I'm sorry, I'm in my own head."  
"I can tell." Rory said pointedly, wincing.  
Akira put his hand on his rib, his breathing ragged beneath it. He pressed, feeling the force flow from him to the injured man. Rory’s breathing evened as the bruise beneath the skin healed, the pain easing itself away.  
"Thanks." Rory said, rubbing his arm "what's going on with you?"  
Akira considered telling him. Rex had been three days, with little word from Skywalker. He'd slept little since then, nightmares of Rex meeting the same fate as his master plaguing him.  
"It's nothing, just sleep issues bugging me."  
He hadn't expected the look of hurt on Rory's face. "I see."  
Akira sighed. "I… you can't tell anyone Rory. Please."  
Rory tossed his staff to the side of the training room, pulling his shirt over his head. He pulled his blacks from his bag, stepping into them. "Of course not, Akira. I'd never do anything to hurt you."  
"It... it could hurt others, too." Akira murmured.  
Rory’s brows knit. "Are you in trouble?"  
Akira shook his head, "No… Rory, I'm with Rex."  
Rory's eyes widened, pulling the blacks up around his shoulders. "You're with him? Like, with him?"  
Akira nodded, his stomach knotting. "No one can know."  
"I know, don't worry, you and the captain, you mean a lot to me. I just, I had no idea. You've never talked about him or anything."  
"It just kind of happened."  
Rory smiled, "he’s a lucky man, as are you. You're both wonderful people I'm happy for you both. So you're grumpy because you're worried about him is that it?"  
Akira bobbed his head.  
"You should be able to touch base with their progress on the dashboard. You can check in on them there without looking suspicious."  
Akira smiled, relief warming him. "You're too good to me."  
Rory smiled with a small shrug, clipping his chest plate on. "I know that you're a Jedi and I'm just a clone, but I'd die before I ever did anything to hurt you. With what we've been through... you're family."  
Akira put his hands on the man's shoulders. “I’m in no way superior to you, and I never will be. You're my family as well. Thank you."  
Rory jabbed him in the side, "So the next time you're in a bad mood just tell me what's going on instead of bruising my rib."  
Akira rubbed his hand over Rory's head like a child. "Sure, we'll see."  
Rory pulled on the rest of his armor. He was to go on a mission with Commander Bly and his squadron to Ryloth. Humanitarian aid was needed for refugees, but no violence was to come to anyone. It would be a peaceful mission for once.  
“Come see me when you get back.”  
“Will do, Sir.”  
Akira sighed, watching Rory take off with his helmet under his arm.

Akira took up his usual guard duties, keeping an eye on the temple and council meetings the following few days. The monotony of it was soothing, being as tired as he was, and simply kept his ear to the ground for word on the Citadel crew, and continued to check the officers’ dashboard. It wasn’t until he was in his small flat after duty one night, enjoying his dinner. His holopad was open to the nightly Coruscant News, listening for anything that could be of concern to the temple. It’d been two days since Rory had left on his Humanitarian mission, four since Rex had left. There was a knock at the door, but the person didn’t wait for a response, pushing it open.  
Rory dropped his helmet on the ground next to the door, and Akira spun around to look at him from the sofa.  
“Akira what have I done?” He groaned, his hands on his face.  
Akira stared at him. “I don’t know, what did you do?”  
Rory groaned again, stomping his foot like a child. “I’m in deep.”  
“Sit. Tell me.”  
Rory plopped onto the couch, taking a piece of Akira’s meat with his fork. “On Ryloth, I brought a crate of supplies to a schoolhouse in a small village not two clicks from the ship… the teacher, she sat with me for a while… I stayed the night...”  
Akira’s eyebrow rose.  
“I can’t stop thinking about her, Akira.”  
Akira smiled, and Rory groaned, “Its not funny, I’ve never, I’ve never wanted to do something or had goals before… I could see myself living there, starting a life there.”  
“What is it you want to do?”  
Rory laughed, “Ideally? Go there now and never look back. What if my service continues as long as I’m alive and I never get to lead a life of my own? I have half a human life, Akira I don’t have forever to wait...”  
Akira grabbed his shoulders, forcing him to look at him. “You’re right. Life is too short to be a slave. If this is where you belong-"  
"No." Rory breathed. "I can't leave my brothers to die."  
"You’ve fought. You've done your part, you've suffered more than any soldier should in a lifetime. If you want to be with this woman than go!"  
What if it doesn't work out, I'll be stick there."  
"I'm not abandoning you, If something happens I’d come for you. Don't worry about being trapped. Please, just do what makes you happy."  
Rory wiped the tears from his eyes. I can't leave the men. I can't leave them to die."  
"Rory, whatever happened in the cave-"  
"Those men died because I wouldn't open my mouth! For the republic! I'm not going to make their deaths in vain."  
Akira shook his head, "Listen to me. You have done all you could for the republic. If I thought you weren’t justified, I'd say so. But you have a past, a past that more than qualifies your retirement. You're suffering here. Dying."  
Rory shook his head. "I can't. Forget I mentioned it."  
“Rory-”  
“Akira’s holopad lit up, a message from Plo playing.  
"Anakin and obi wan, they need assistance with the extraction. They've lost their escape ship and several men. We're sending in a team."  
Akira swallowed. "I'll join the extraction team, master plo."  
"Wonderful my boy." Plo praised.  
"Grab your ship, you'll be defending the carrier with master koth. I have a feeling there will be fewer than we anticipated, but just in case." Akiras chest tightened and he swallowed, nodding. "I'll go as well." Rory said, grasping akiras shoulder. "Wonderful. I'll have you join me on the ship."  
Akira grabbed his saber, his hands shaking.  
"Let's go."  
They ran to the hangar where Akira would board his ship and Rory the carrier. Troopers were running around them, hurrying to the destroyers and cruisers that would rush to save the team. Looking around at all of the effort,vthe resources going into the rescue, Akira couldn't help but think if it were just the troopers there would be no extraction team sent… but such thoughts were pointless now.  
Rory pulled on his helmet, gripping Akira's shoulder. "We're in this together regardless of what happens."  
Akira nodded, and Rory grasped him tighter. "he's alright, I know it."  
Akira lifted off, trying to keep his mind off the what ifs and his ship tight against the carrier, his heart pounding. This carrier was rex's only hope. Vulture droid after vulture droid fell to Akira and the other's flying alongside the shuttle, trying to keep any and all fire away from it. Koth made an opening leaving the ship to grab the team. Rory was to wait outside the atmosphere, keeping the vulture droids away. He listened carefully to the coms, yelling and blaster fire muffling the voices entering the shuttle. He saw the shuttle exiting the planet and he rushed to be along side it, the first line of defense for the carrier Once back out of the atmosphere,  
A voice clicked on his com.  
"Thank you for your assistance, General Kutae."  
Rex's voice was hoarse, but clear as day. Akira sighed with relief, focusing his concern on the attacking vulture droids ahead. Now to get him home and in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading, please comment/subscribe


	9. Living With Yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rex and Cody deal with the aftermath of The Citadel mission. Rex tells Cody about Akira. **This chapter has mild-moderately graphic description of violence and sexual content*

Rex watched the rise and fall of Akira’s chest, the holopad in his hand nearing the end of his latest novel. There was a comedy on the holonet, projecting onto the wall. But Rex was focused on the man beside him, his beating heart just below his ear. He traced a circle on his chest, a thrill rushing up his spine. It still felt very unreal, him being a jedi and all. But he was here, and Akira’s hand found his back, rubbing gently.   
"How are you feeling?" Akira asked softly.  
Rex closed his eyes. Echo’s death was still at the forefront of his mind. "I've been better."  
"As you know, it takes time. Its good Anakin gave you a few days."  
Rex's fingers wrapped around his shirt. "So many, just left there."   
Akira cleared his throat, turning off the holopad. "I know. And they didn't deserve to be. It's disheartening that so many go out on missions and to battles and are left there. But the odds are the same for you to meet that fate, or even Anakin or the other Jedi. Their deaths aren't your fault. It's the nature of war."   
"I'm their commanding officer," Rex pressed.  
"But this wasn't your mission. You were a regular soldier the same as Fives, Echo, and Cody. This was the Jedis’ mission, they called all the shots."  
Rex sighed. "Cody's group... they got it far worse from what I heard."   
"As did I from Obi Wan. He's pretty shaken himself. I imagine Cody is too?"   
Rex shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah. He's spent the last few nights in the barracks with his men. He's avoiding me."   
Akira pursed his lips, "he's avoiding you because he knows he can't pretend with you. I can leave you two alone for the weekend if you'd like. Here, even, if you’d like the privacy. I won’t be offended."  
Rex shook his head. He hadn't told Cody anything about him and Akira yet. "I'm gonna go see him tonight, try to talk to him, I guess."   
Akira nodded, setting his holopad down on his side table. "Those men saved a lot of people, protecting those coordinates. I think they'd be happy knowing that their deaths weren't in vain, that they achieved what they set out to. I definitely know Echo would be pleased that you and Fives are alright, and wouldn't blame anyone for what happened."   
Rex nodded, and Akira smiled sadly. "why don't we go make some pancakes?"   
Rex shrugged, "I've never had them."  
Akira sat up, shoving the blankets off him.  
"Oh, come, then. We're not doing another thing until we eat pancakes."   
Rex smiled, following him into the kitchenette. 

Rex spent the afternoon with Akira, talking more about the battle and the outcomes. After having a quick dinner he packed up his few possessions and head down to the officers’ barracks. It felt like centuries since he’d been inside, nights spent either on the ground on missions or in Akira’s arms when he returned. When he opened the door, however, it greeted him the same way it always had. His small bed was neatly made, and Cody was lying in his up top, a book in his hand.   
"Hey." Rex greeted, scratching the back of his neck.  
"Hey."  
Cody didn't look up, instead focusing his gaze on the wall.  
Rex took his armor off, tossing it onto his bunk.  
"How you doing? I’ve been looking for you the last few nights, Obi Wan told me you’ve been sleeping in the barracks."  
Cody didn't look over. "I’m Fine."  
Rex tilted his head. "Cod'ika-"  
"Rex, please," Cody hissed.  
"Obi Wan told me about what happened at the Citadel. To your men."  
Cody didn't respond.   
"Codes… it's not your fault."  
He sighed, shutting the book. "Of course it's my fault. You weren't there, Rex, you didn't see what I led them into. You didn’t see the decisions I made. What I didn’t do."  
"You were doing what Obi Wan and Piell told you to. They don't blame you."   
"Will got chopped in half, Rex.”  
Rex flinched at the image, the rage in Cody’s voice.   
“I was trying to pull him up. I watched the realization that he wasn't getting saved dawn on him just before the vent slammed shut. You didn’t see his face as he died there in my arms. Reggie, Reggie got volunteered by Piell and got shot point blank in the face, his hands tied in front of him. We escaped immediately after that, Rex. He died for nothing. And where are they now? Lying dead in a ditch somewhere, rotting. Their short lives were taken from them needlessly. In absurd, lackluster circumstances. Its like, its like Umbara..." Cody said, his voice breaking. He put his head in his hands, quivering.   
"I agree. I entirely agree, Codes. But that is not on your hands. You very easily could have been either of them, and if they were here they'd be telling you that same thing. They loved you, they trusted you. Grieve for them, but there's no need to be tormenting yourself over this. At the end of the day, you're a victim of this war as much as they are."  
A small, choked sob escaped Cody, and Rex climbed up onto his bunk. He pulled him into his arms, his chin resting on the back of his head.   
“The fear, Rex. I felt it.” He whispered.   
Rex closed his eyes. He’d seen that fear, but to them this mission was different. It felt personal. Being shot point blank before your brothers, holding someone helplessly in your arms as their life is brutally torn from them... these were things that Rex was relieved he had missed. This mission was a personal attack on them, because the Jedi were saving one of there own, they cared far less about the men they had led to their deaths. He held Cody closer, empathy for his closest brother bringing tears to his own eyes.  
“I’m so sorry, Cod’ika,” he whispered.  
“I just... what if that had been you?” Cody breathed.  
Rex had the same worries, sometimes picturing being unable to save Cody. They’d gone through hell together, hell the others simply didn’t understand. They were two of the same, twin flames burning together.  
Rex wasn’t sure how long they sat like that, not until Cody fell asleep on him. Rex let him, getting comfortable on his bunk. He couldn’t sleep, not with the Citadel fresh in his mind again. The night always felt like a strange, fresh torture for him. Everyone was asleep, the entirety of the previous day settled away. All the hustle and bustle and distracting work was tucked into the darkness until he following morning. There was nothing to do, to busy himself with. All he could do was wait. Wait… and think.  
Akira had a strange way of comforting him, of making everything seem like a far off dream. His own room felt like a prison now. A metal bunk and a ‘fresher so small he hit his elbows on the shower walls. 

Rex must have fallen asleep at some point in the night, because he woke to Cody’s alarm blaring in his face. He groaned, his neck stiff. His head was pounding, his skull felt like it was expanding with every breath. Cody came out of the ‘fresher, straight out of the shower. His towel hung around his hips, his scarred chest dripping.  
“You alright?”  
Rex nodded, sitting up.   
Cody tossed the towel on the chair, pulling his underwear and grays on. “I’m sorry about last night,” he murmured.  
“Don’t be. It was needed. For both of us.”   
Cody half smiled. “What are your plans for leave?”  
Rex smirked, “I’m spending it with Akira.”  
Cody’s eyebrow rose. “Oh?”  
“I talked to him, like you said. We’re just… seeing how it goes.”  
Cody put his hand on his hip. “Rex, that could get you reconditioned.”  
Rex swallowed, “I know, but, he wouldn’t let that happen.” He said, knowing how naive the words sounded as they left his lips.   
“You think Akira would give up his life as a jedi to save yours? You, a clone among a million, living half a human life?”  
Rex looked at the floor, and Cody put his hand on his knee. “I’m not saying you’re wrong, or that you don’t matter… I just, I need you to think. I know you like him but… be careful.”  
Rex nodded, “I am. Thanks.”  
He hopped down, saying his goodbyes and rushing back over to the temple. His mind kept running through the possibilities, the chances that Akira would let him get reconditioned, or even terminated. His life was short, yes, but was he willing to throw it away for Akira?   
When he arrived in the courtyard Akira was in the garden, a smile on his lips.   
“I was getting worried about you.”  
Rex shrugged, “Cody fell asleep on me, I couldn’t wake him.”  
“I understand. I hope he’s alright now?”  
“Yes,” Rex said, distracted by Cody’s words in his head. He could pay for this relationship with his life if Akira decided so. It was all in his hands.  
“Would you like to make lunch with me? We can consume our accomplishments after over some wine?”  
“Sure,” Rex smiled, and followed Akira back to his apartment, his heart pounding.   
They made an interesting pasta dish together, Akira patiently teaching Rex how to tell when the food was finished. Rex asked questions, hoping to one day be able to cook a few meals on his own. Very few of the men knew more than how to kill an animal and roast it over a fire in an emergency. Survival food and meals were two very different things, and Rex had to admit as much as he loved roasted rat, he far preferred meals that had a bit more seasoning.   
Rex plated their meal, and Akira pulled a bottle from the fridge.   
“What is it?” Akira asked.  
Rex flinched and shook his head. "Nothing. Tired."  
Akira pursed his lips. "You're a terrible liar."   
Rex flushed, bringing the plates over to the table. "Cody's just worried about me, said some stuff."  
"What'd he say?"   
Rex shrugged. "He's worried we'll get caught."  
Akira looked at his feet. “He’s worried you’ll pay for this with your life.”  
Rex nodded.  
"Rex, if we get caught, I'm going to make sure you're ok. Even if we get in a horrible argument and we break up, I'm not going to let anything happen to you. You have my word. You're taking a risk for me, and if my word isn't enough, I understand."  
Rex looked away. "I'd just, I'd be terminated, Akira. Everything I’ve worked toward would be in vain."  
"Then let's call it friendship, then. That's alright with me." Akira said quietly.  
Rex shook his head. "No, no. I don't want that. I- I like this." He said, blushing at his lack of eloquence.  
Akira smiled, "I do, too. Look, Rex, from the beginning I’ve known that if we get caught I’dl tell them it was entirely my fault, that I coerced you. If that's not enough we’ll leave."  
"Leave?" Rex's eyes widened.  
Akira nodded. "I'm not going to let them hurt you for something as absurd as a relationship. Not on my account."  
"The order-"  
"I don't need the order to be a Jedi. The force is the force regardless of where I am."  
Rex smiled. Leave the order? For him?  
"Akira that's-"  
"Rex, could you live with yourself if i was killed for seeing you? Rather, if anyone was killed on your account?"  
He thought of Echo, of Cody’s men. No. Absolutely not. He couldn't live with himself. He shook his head.   
“I could never stand by and watch them hurt anyone, nevermind if it was my doing. But you, Rex. Its not possible for me to see you get hurt for me.”  
Rex rested his head on Akira’s shoulder cautiously.   
Akira squeezed his shoulder. “That night- was that your first kiss?”  
Rex reddened. “Yes.” He admitted.  
Akira remained silent. “So, you’ve never been with anyone romantically before me.”  
“No one.”  
Akira shifted, his blue eyes dilated.   
Akira looked up. “Would you like a real, non drunk kiss?”  
Rex stiffened, his mouth going dry.  
“If you don’t want to, that’s fine.”  
“I do want to,” he croaked, and Akira leaned in slowly. His lips brushed Rex’s, as gentle and tender as Rex could imagine. He felt his face heat up, almost more than he could bare, gripping the pillow. He couldn’t contain his excitement, his nervousness. This was happening! Akira backed away, his dark eyes wanting.   
“Was that ok?”  
Rex nodded, unable to speak, and Akira kissed him again, this time pressing a little further, his hands on the sides of Rex’s face, caressing his cheek with his thumb. Akira tilted Rex’s head, kissing his way down his neck. Rex pawed uselessly at Akira's sides, unsure of what to do. Akira kissed his way back to Rex’s mouth, opening his eyes.   
"You want me to stop?"  
Rex shook his head, "I just- I don't know what to do… I'm sorry."  
"Don't apologize. Does it feel good?"  
Rex nodded, and Akira smirked, a glint of mischief in his eyes. "Does it when.... I do this?" He asked, kissing his neck, nipping softly at his skin.   
"Mhm." Rex growled, his eyes rolling back in his head.   
"How about this?" He asked, kissing his way up to Rex’s ear, nipping it with his teeth. Rex groaned, and Akira pulled Rex’s arms around his midsection.   
"I want to feel your hands on me." Akira murmured and Rex ran his hands over Akira's chest, his abs hard beneath his shaking fingers.   
"Tell me when to stop, Rex," Akira whispered, pulling his shirt over his head. Rex felt exposed, but Akira's hands moved expertly over his skin, his lips trailing his chest.   
He must have sensed Rex's uneasiness, and returned to his lips. He guided Rex's hands to the back of his head, returning to his collar bone, and then his pecs. Rex's hands grasped Akira's hair, his head back. Everything he did, every breath that ghosted over his skin made his heart pound, his vision go starry. Being raised as a disposable killing machine, he didn’t know this was something he was capable of. This passionate, gentle pleasure that made his ears ring. Love.   
Akira took his pants in his hands, and Rex crash landed, grabbing Akira's wrists. "Please, no. I'm not… I'm not ready."  
Akira smiled, pulling Rex into his arms. "Of course, Rex. I got carried away, I'm sorry."   
Rex nuzzled up against him. "I can never make you feel that way."   
"You just did. Rex you’re… incredible."   
Rex blushed and leaned into Akira’s embrace. He was so inexperienced. So childish compared to Akira. Akira rubbed his back, kissing his cheek.   
“I’m sorry I don’t know-”  
“Stop apologizing, Rex.” Akira said, pulling away. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I’ve been around you for a long time. I came into this knowing your experience would be little to none. That’s not my objective. My objective is being with you, enjoying you, and having you enjoy me.”  
Rex bobbed his head and Akira stood, stretching.  
“Let’s eat, I’m starving.”  
Rex let himself smile, relishing in the invisible imprints Akira left on his body. He hadn’t realized how much he was missing, how much he needed that. It was no wonder relationships were forbidden to the clones. Affection was taboo, and he could see why. They were far more powerful than Rex could have imagined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much! Please review. Next time: Cody confronts Akira


	10. No More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cody confronts Akira and Akira confronts Rex

Akira sat between Rex and Jesse, a drink in his hand. It wasn't the first time he'd joined them at 79s, but it was the first time since he'd begun his relationship with Rex. His leg was bouncing, and he swirled his whiskey with expert hands, watching the bar. He knew with a Jedi present things could be a bit more mild, but luckily few knew him due to his position as a guard, and so his status wasn't an issue. Clones were forbidden to have physical relationships all around, and for fear of reconditioning, it was a firmly followed rule. Sex led to relationships, possibly children… reasons to desert, to question their lives. So it was forbidden, and he'd seen clones get court martialed and sent back to kamino for it. For that reason Akira didn't see the appeal at 79s. They danced with women in skimpily clad clothing, drunkenly hanging all over them. Jedi didn't frequent any types of parties like this for the same reason. It was simply a tease. But these men did it, they got drunk and let these women grind on them for the night, their buddies dragging them home when things looked like it may turn for the worst.  
"Like what you see, Sir?" The half drunk Jesse asked from beside him. He realized he'd been staring, and looked down.  
"I'm wondering why they do it. Why they dance with women and kiss them when they inevitably have to cut it short."   
Jesse looked over at Fives, his arm behind Jesse's head.  
"If they die tomorrow, at least they had that. It's not much, but it's more physical contact than he'll get for the next year in the GAR." Fives, said, watching the dance floor with pursed lips.  
Akira was saddened by that, watching the young clone. His cheeks and eyes were red and watching the twi'lek woman dance around him, her hands on his chest.   
"Do many of them go home with someone?" Akira asked.  
"A few here and there. The shinies mostly, can't control themselves."  
Jesse smirked, and Akira sat back, draining his glass.   
"Another?" Kix asked, getting up.  
"If you don't mind," Akira smiled, his arm finding it's way behind Rex.   
"Can I ask you something, sir?" Fives asked.  
"No sirs, but yes."  
"If I find my way over to that corner..." he said, pointing to the young woman in the bacl.  
"I'm not here, Fives. Just use your head."   
He nodded, draining his glass. "Thank you."  
Rex watched him walk away, and turned to Akira. "He's not going to use his head Akira, he's drunk and grieving."  
Akira sighed, "I know. Well keep an eye on him."  
Jesse watched Kix return to the booth, and Akira took his arm back from behind Rex and grabbed his drink.   
"The Jedi have a similar principal, do they often go home with people?" Kix asked.  
Rex stiffened beside him, but Akira let it roll off. "Some. Sex is permitted, attachment is not, however, the sex is still fairly taboo."   
"So General Kenobi could go out and get a hooker tomorrow and he wouldn't get in trouble?" Jesse laughed.  
"He could but it's not his style." Cody said, sitting down.  
"S-Sir-" Jesse stuttered. "I'm sorry I'm a bit drunk-"  
"Don't worry about it Jesse. You're off the clock." Cody said, his eyes trained on Akira. Akira didn't have enough to drink to unpack whatever Cody's staring meant, and guzzled down half his glass.  
"What about you, Akira? What's your take on the matter?" Cody asked, and Akira sighed.  
Rex's leg was bouncing beside him. "I think attachment is inevitable when working with others and they should encourage healthy communication instead. There wouldn't be so much sneaking."   
Cody quirked an eyebrow. "Sneaking? You'd know about that wouldn't you?"  
The air at the table went stale, and the men stared at him.  
"What are you accusing me of, commander?" Akira asked. He wouldn't out Rex here, would he?  
He looked at the ground. "I'm sorry, sir, that was out of line."   
"No I insist, let's unpack this here. What dirt is it that you think you have on me?"   
Cody looked to Rex, and back at Akira.   
"I've simply seen you sneaking around with partners." He choked out awkwardly.  
"In the decade you've been alive and I've been a Jedi, I've had two sexual partners here in the temple, both of which were consenting, sober adults that knew I was a Jedi. Where's the crime?"  
Cody flushed, clearly not expecting his transparency. Akira was not Obi Wan. No one would make him feel ashamed when he'd done nothing wrong. Jesse and Kix stared at Akira, like the admission of a Jedi having sex was like hearing a rock speak.   
Cody rose, stalking back to the bar with a slight stagger.  
Akira sighed "I'd ask you all to keep this conversation private. The Commander is clearly intoxicated and wouldn't want this getting around." Kix and Jesse nodded, and Akira looked over at Fives. The girl's hands were up his shirt, and Fives was watching her with drooping eyes, trying to keep steady against the wall. The girl was giggling and Fives had his arms draped over her shoulders.  
"I think I've had enough. I'll see you all later." Akira said.  
They watched him get up from the booth and walk over to Fives. He was nearly slumped against the girl.  
"Fives, it's time to go." He shouted over the music.  
"You're not my boss." He laughed, and Akira felt a shoulder brush his.  
"But I am. Let's go." Rex barked.  
Fives' smile vanished, and he staggered toward Rex, who caught him. His hand wrapped around his torso.   
"Rex, I'm sorry Rex-" he murmured, staggering over his feet.  
Akira was close behind, and outside the cool air hit his face, washing away the heavy stale must that was 79s.   
"Rex, Rex please, just let me go back in." He moaned pulling away from him.  
"No, Fives. You're hammered, and too drunk to shrug that girl off."  
"I don't want to! I want to be- to get- to get caught!" He stuttered, a sob escaping his lips.   
"No." Rex said, shaking his head. "You're not doing that. You're not giving up."  
Fives fell to his knees, and Rex hauled him over his shoulder in one quick motion, not willing to deal with this in the middle of the street. They got on the back on Akira's speeder, and head back toward the barracks. Akira pulled up as close to the entrance of the barracks as possible, and grabbed a sobbing Fives off the back, giving Rex a break from carrying him. He followed Rex into the nearly empty barracks, and over to the bunk he pointed to. He set Fives down gently, his face covered in snot and tears. Rex pulled his shirt over his head and wiped his face with it, tossing it to the side.  
"You listen to me," Rex said, his commanding tone always turned Akira on. "You are not going to cop out. You're an ARC trooper, a phenomenally intelligent one with a company of brothers who love you. Echo is gone, and we're all torn up about it, but that does not mean you're alone. Echo loved you far too much for you to throw your life away in his name. Do you hear me? Giving up is the easy way, fighting for him, ending this war that's taken his life, that's how you honor him."  
Fives sobbed and threw his arms around his neck.   
"I- I do feel alone," he hiccuped, and Rex rubbed his back. "I know you do, but you're not. I'm always going to be here beside you, and you know Tup is, too." Fives smiled at that, and Rex touched his cheek.   
"Stay strong, come talk to me instead of the hooker in the corner, huh?"   
Fives nodded, and Akira leaned against the bunk post.  
"I know I'm not Rex or Echo, but I'm here for you too whenever. We can go for a walk, whatever you want."  
Fives nodded, "thanks, sir."  
"No sir. We're off duty."

Akira followed Rex from the barracks, the bugs chirping by the pond.  
"Are you coming over tonight?"   
Rex shrugged, and Akira put up his hands. "If you don't want to that's fine."  
"I do!" Rex hurried. "I just, I feel bad. About Fives."   
"He'll be ok. We'll help him. Right now all he needs is sleep, as do you"  
Rex nodded, and Akira resisted the urge to pull him into his arms right there.   
They walked up to Akira's flat, and Akira closed the door behind him, his head still a bit fuzzy from the bar. He'd downed a lot of drinks fast when Cody came poking around, and they were all hitting him now.   
"Rex I'm a bit buzzed myself," he said, the words running on a bit.   
"I assumed." Rex smirked.  
"So I'm getting in the shower."   
Rex nodded, and Akira pulled his shirt off, tossing it next to his bed. He unbuttoned his pants, stepping out of them and his underwear with a stagger and tossing them. He turned to face a reddened Rex, his amber eyes wide.  
"You should join me."   
Rex shook his head. "I don't think that's a good idea."  
"Why not? I'm alright Rex I'm just… wobbly."  
Rex pursed his lips.  
"Well, feel free to hop in."  
He grabbed the doorframe and steadied himself before stepping into the fresher. The cool water helped his head almost immediately, the smell of alcohol and sweat leaving his nostrils and running down the drain where they belonged. The shower door opened, and Rex stood there, looking self conscious in his nudity, his chiseled chest a patchy red to match his cheeks.   
Akira diverted his gaze, closing his eyes. "Rex you didn't need to. That was my drunk talking."  
"I want to. Plus, you could get hurt, being that wobbly and all."   
Akira smirked, letting Rex in. He stepped in front of him, running his head under the water. Akira wanted to run his hands over his entire body, but Rex's nervousness made him falter.  
"Can I touch you?" Akira asked softly.  
Rex bobbed his head, and Akira put his arms around his neck, resting his chin on his shoulder. The muscles of Rex's back were pressed against Akira's chest, each movement flexing his sinewy form. Akira loved the feeling of it, the grounding of his body on his.   
"Akira," Rex sighed. "I don't know what the fuck I'm doing." He admitted withdrawn. "I wanted this so badly and now I don't feel like I even know what that is. I don't know how to be with someone. With you."  
Akira closed his eyes. "If you don't want to see me anymore, that's alright. I won't be angry."   
"No, no," he sighed. "I want to, I just, I don't know anything, I want to touch you but my brain… there's something broken in my mind." Rex huffed.  
"Nothing's broken. You're learning something new. You know how to love, you have to learn how to show it now instead of just thinking about it, feeling it. And you are learning, but you keep pulling yourself away with your worrying."  
"That's what I do. I worry. About everything all the time," Rex murmured.  
"I get that, your life has been danger and destruction. But here the only expectation is for you to be comfortable, and to be honest with me. I don't want you to worry here."  
Rex sighed, "I'm sorry."  
"Don't apologize. You have nothing to apologize for. But if this is going to work you're going to have to trust me when I tell you that I'm not judging you. Ever."   
Akira put his arms out. "You said you want to touch me. What do you wanna touch?"  
Rex looked at him, his eyes wide. "Akira-"   
"Don't Akira me. Touch."  
Rex bit his lip. He awkwardly put his hands on Akira's hips, and Akira grabbed his wrists.   
"Close your eyes. Relax. Just let your hands do the thinking."  
Rex closed his eyes reluctantly, feeling Akira's hip bone beneath his hands. He trailed up and over his waist to his rib cage, his hands resting on his chest. He wandered to his shoulders and down his arms. Resting his chin on Akira's shoulder. His hands wandered up Akira's back, and Akira stood still, resisting the urge to touch him in return. His hands wandered down his back and he squeezed Akira against him.  
Akira laughed taking Rex's face in his hands and kissing him.   
Rex smiled, and Akira kissed him again.  
"I love you," Akira murmured, kissing his neck.  
"I- I love you." Rex whispered.  
Akira pulled the bar of soap off the small shelf. "May I?"   
Rex bobbed his head, and Akira ran his hands over his skin so softly that Rex shuddered as he ghosted over his skin. Rex returned the favor, more so due to Akira's instability, but Akira still enjoyed every moment of his rough hands on his body.  
Akira rinsed off and opened the shower door, pulling a towel down from the shelf. He handed it to Rex, watching him run the towel over his muscles, his scars.   
Akira dried himself with another and they changed into their pajamas before climbing into bed, falling asleep entangled in one another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time- Akira joins torrent in battle


	11. Goddamn Martyr

Akira clipped on his armor, his cerulean eyes particularly alight. They’d been able to spend a few nights together, and now they were going back to the field. Before Akira, Rex hated free time. His mind wandered, and he filled his time with drinking and gambling. Now he dreaded returning to the field. He never knew where he was going or how long he’d be gone, and now he worried about Akira’s whereabouts. He was a guard, but bounced between the guard and the frontlines due to the ever increasing shortages of Jedi and clones. Padawan were getting younger, and the clones even younger. The GAR was desperate for numbers, they were pulling anyone and everyone they could.  
Rex pulled on his helmet, and Akira holstered his saber. “At least we’ll be together for this one.”  
Rex rolled his eyes. Being on the battlefield with Akira was like fighting with a child; he ran around recklessly, and Rex was always watching him, worried.  
They walked out to the transport together, and Akira kept close to him, his shoulder brushing Rex’s. It was Akira and Plo for this one. Anakin was staying in the capitol with the chancellor.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Running through the field, Rex tried to keep an eye on Akira in his peripheral vision. Their goal was to clear the field leading to the capitol of the planet, protecting the villages along the way. Among the villages were med tents full of wounded clones. A lot was on the line for this battle, and for the first time in a long time, Rex was particularly nervous.  
Akira was wearing his battle uniform, gray plastoid armor over his shoulders and chest, black and gray tunic and trousers beneath, tucked in his combat boots. His lightsaber had never been set aside. It was dusk, the suns beginning to set behind the horizon, and helmet lights were beginning to turn on. They were dangerous, showing the separatists exactly where to shoot, but necessary. Night vision struggled in the dusk, and until then, flashlights would have to be used.  
Somewhere in his immediate vicinity was Jesse and Fives, but beyond that he was unsure. He could see Akira’s saber ahead, illuminating the trunks around him.  
Rex downed several commando droids coming from the high ground, and Jesse jogged by. Kix was dragging off one of the men, his lower leg hanging on by a single tendon, screams tearing from his throat.  
Many of the men that had gone ahead of them had fallen back, the space between Akira and Torrent Company growing. Rex was careful of debris on the ground, bodies, pieces of armor, and blasters. Between the trees, the dusk, and the fog falling, he grew worried about the obstacles in their way. The ground was uneven, pocked with small holes that could easily catch boots. The only thing he could hear was his own breathing, joined by the occasional scream or shot of a blaster.  
A group of commando droids rolled to Akira and Jesse’s position, shots being fired. Rex picked up his pace into a jog, following the glow of the saber. As he grew closer, he saw Jesse falling onto his bottom. The ricochet and the pangs of Akira’s saber deflecting shot after shot helped him in the disorienting dark, all the other men far behind.  
“Leave me, Akira!” Jesse shouted.  
Akira was standing over Jesse, deflecting the shots of over a dozen commando droids. Sweat dripped down the side of his face. Rex blasted a few, coming around the trees to their position. Two were left, and both focused on Rex. Akira knelt beside Jesse. He’d been shot in the thigh.  
Rex blasted the two droids and ran over, pulling out his med pack.  
“You should’ve left me, dummy. You could’ve died.” Jesse laughed.  
“I’m not leaving anyone, Jesse, ever.” Akira said, humorless.  
Bang.  
Akira’s eyes widened, his blood spattering Rex’s armor.  
One of the fallen commando droids; torso’s still had life, and fired the shot, and Jesse shot it before Rex even had the chance.  
“Akira!” Jesse cried out. Rex was without words. His mind was fumbling. Akira can’t get shot… its impossible. He’d seen Akira dodge impossible shots, some he’d sworn had hit him, entirely unscathed, but here he was, bleeding.  
He slumped forward and Rex caught him, shaking his head. “Akira.”  
His breathing was shallow. “Kix, Rex. I need Kix.”  
HIs words kicked Rex into gear. He gathered him in his arms, running back toward the others.  
“I need a medic! Kix!” He cried, holding Akira close. All of the men shook their heads, many wounded wondering the same thing. Where was Kix?  
“The group got split, they’re over there!” Someone called, pointing to the opposite side of a long, stone wall.  
Akira sucked in a breath, his blue eyes steeped in fear. Rex cradled him against his chest, dodging a mortar blast and dashing behind a tank. He threw Akira over his shoulder, shooting a droid with his pistol and running behind the wall. He set Akira down, propping him against it and taking his helmet off.  
Akira was clutching his abdomen, sucking in another breath.  
"It's gonna be ok," Rex breathed, pulling a bacta patch from his field bag. "Kix, come in." He said into his comm, tearing Akira’s shirt open. It was at the base of his ribs. He spread the bacta patch over it, feeling helpless. That was all he could do. He put his hand over it.  
“Its going to be ok, I’m gonna protect you.”  
Akira hissed, his head back against the wall.  
“You’re gonna get killed sitting here with me.”  
Rex shook his head, “no, we’re gonna be fine.”  
Akira took a shaking breath, blood on his lips. Suddenly, his eyes widened, and he looked to the horizon. Droids were coming over the hill.  
"Rex, you need to go," Akira breathed.  
"No. No I'm not leaving you." Rex pressed, firing at an incoming droid.  
"You have to. Your men need you."  
Rex shook his head, firing again. "I'll die here before I leave you."  
Akira coughed, blood spattering his face. "Listen to me." He said, clutching Rex's arm with his bloody hand. "I love you, I love you so much, but you need to go help your men. I'll be ok, I'll be fine, but you need to go, Rex."  
"I can't live without you Akira, not anymore."  
"I'm not going anywhere, Rex, go!" He cried, pushing him onto his bottom. "Go!" Rex stood and Akira force pushed him, his eyes wild. "Please, Rex! They’re dying! They’ll all die if you don’t go!”  
Rex dashed down the hill, firing at the droids.  
"Kix come in." He called into his comm. Nothing.  
He tried to stay near the wall, listening for droids and protecting it. His men did need him. They were severely outnumbered, with more than half of them fallen or wounded. They were pressed against the wall, with little cover to protect them.  
“Kix!” he tried to keep the fear from his voice. He was shaking, trying to keep the droids from the wall and the wounded men that had been dragged before it as well.  
“Kix!”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The battle was won, but with significant loses. Rex secured the wounded, and ran up the hill and behind the wall where he’d left Akira.  
The hill was littered with fallen droids of all kinds, nearly as many as torrent had taken out on the opposite side. Rex gasped. He'd thought his biggest fear would be Akira’s body, but instead all there was was flattened grass and a patch of blood.  
"Akira!" He screamed.  
Nothing.  
"Codes," he called into the com, his voice shaking.  
"Rex."  
"Akira, was he taken onto med vac?"  
"What? I-I’m not sure, was he injured?"  
"Yes, yes and he's missing," Rex said impatiently.  
"Get on the ship, I'll send out a sweep."  
"Cody-"  
"That's an order." Cody’s voice was firm. “Now.”  
Rex jogged toward the ship, running up the incline to the lander. Kix was walking toward him, soaked in someone's blood.  
"Kix, Kix, Akira-"  
"Akira?” Kix’s eyes widened, “He’s in the med bay, Rex, you have to get in there.”  
He ran down the hallway toward the med bay, and they were frantically pulling clothes off Akira, his hand hanging over the edge of the gurney.  
"Akira, Akira-" he stammered, taking his hand and holding it to his face.  
"I'm ok," Akira smiled, blood staining his teeth.  
Rex looked up, his chest had more bloody holes.  
He'd been shot again. Twice.  
"Akira," he whispered panicked, and Akira kissed his hand.  
"I'm so proud of you." He smiled, tears in his eyes.  
"What?" Rex cried.  
"I'm so proud of what you did today. You did the right thing. Protecting the others. You're so brave, Rex. So strong."  
"Akira, stop."  
"I love you, and I'm so so proud of who you are. Don't you ever let them change you."  
A woman entered the room, and rex recognized her from Anakin's injury. A force healer.  
"His heart rate is falling fast-" one of them called frantically, and Akira grabbed Rex’s hand with surprising strength. “I’ll always be here for you.” He said, his eyes wide. He swallowed, his eyes unfocusing, and they began rolling Akira away.  
“His blood pressure-” one of them shouted, and someone grabbed Rex's shoulders.  
Cody.  
"Akira!" Rex cried, "I love you."  
Rex turned around to Cody, and he pulled him tight against his chest, holding him. Rex wept, and Cody guided him away from curious gazes and into the side office.  
"I know." Cody said quietly, his arms holding rex firmly against him.  
"I left him!"  
"He wanted you to. He wanted you to help save the men, and you did. He's a Jedi."  
Rex cried himself to sleep in Cody's arms, and when he woke they were both on the floor, his head on Cody's chest. It was dark, and the lights were off, but kix was sitting at the desk, the datapad in his hand.  
Rex sat up, and kix set the past down.  
"Kix-" he whispered, his heart pounding. Was he alive?  
"He's still alive." Kix assured him.  
"Can I see him?"  
Kix shook his head, “I’ve been told no one is to see him. I’m sorry, Rex.”  
Rex swallowed, “He’s ok though?”  
“He’s alive. That’s about it for right now.”  
He turned around, Master Plo in the doorframe. “Come get a cup of caff with me, Captain.”  
Rex nodded, following Plo to the mess. Plo got them both a cup of caff, sitting before him.  
“I found Akira at the wall.”  
Rex looked up, his head pounding. “What?”  
“Where you left him. I found him there, surrounded by droids.”  
Rex stared, “what happened?”  
He was standing there, leaned against the wall, taking them down one by one. I was stunned to see him alive. I ran down to help him. Once the droids were gone, I helped him down the hill to the ship. We came across a skirmish, one I was walking behind to avoid. Akira blocked shots even then trying to help. He pulled away from me to drag one of the men out of harm’s way. He fell, Naturally, and I ended up dragging them both, but he was struck again. The second shot did a number on him, and I carried him back. He told me to tell you something.”  
Rex leaned forward.  
“He told me to tell you that he loves you, and that he’s relieved that you did the right thing, leaving one to save the whole. He doesn’t want you to blame yourself.”  
Rex wiped tears from his eyes.  
“Rex, Akira felt the same thing I did, in the force. That’s how I found him at the wall. We knew that surge was coming. He knew that if you didn’t defeat them on that side of the wall, they’d overcome you from both sides. He wanted to hold his end off as long as he could.”  
Rex shook his head, “why…”  
“Akira killed his master. I think he’d rather die than have anyone die on his watch ever again.”  
Rex shook his head, and Plo squeezed his shoulder. “You’re a good man, Rex.”  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rex returned to the med bay, and Kix looked up at him grimly. “You can see him, if you’d like. The force healer said only you could.”  
Rex swallowed, “alright.”  
Kix lead him back, opening the door.  
Rex entered the room. The bacta tank was beeping and many machines were lined up alongside it. There were too many tubes and wires for Rex to count, leading into the bacta tank and into Akira’s arms, mouth, and torso. The medic tending to the machines turned to him.  
“Anyone else would have been dead on the field… the jedi never cease to amaze.” The medic said, turning to him. “I’ll give you some time.”  
The medic left, closing the door behind him.  
“Akira,” he whispered, falling to his knees before the tank. He doesn’t want you to blame yourself…  
Rex took a shaking breath. “I love you, Akira. I won’t let your sacrifice be in vain.”


	12. In Sickness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akira gets fished out of the bacta tank, and the real challenge begins

Rex went on a minor patrol mission, kix sending him an update every so often on Akira's state. It was to be short, as Anakin promised. Rex was hoping getting out of the med bay and replacing the smell of bacta with fresh air might help him clear his head. Akira did not look well, even in the bacta. One of the blaster burns had gone through to his lung. By the time they made it to the med bay it’d been too late, and they’d removed it. Such surgery required healing and patience, patience Rex didn’t have. He wanted Akira conscious. If he was conscious, it at least felt like he was going to be ok.   
Anakin tried to distract him with duties that were normally done by the other men, and at times Rex was grateful. Other times he just wanted to be left alone in peace.  
Once they’d scouted and gathered enough intel for the 212th, they were on their way back to Coruscant, a three day trip. He’d hidden from Anakin, wishing for a small amount of quiet. He managed to finagle this silence until the day before they were due to arrive back on Coruscant. Anakin had found him in the mess, sitting down across from him with a cup of caff.   
“How you feeling?” He asked.  
Rex shrugged, “as good as I can, I suppose.”  
Anakin bobbed his head, “I just got out of a meeting with Kix and the doctor.”  
Rex looked up, his breath hitching. Had something gone wrong? Why didn’t they call him instead?   
Anakin out out his hand, “He’s fine.”  
Rex slumped, taking a deep breath.  
“He’ll never be on the field again. You know that right?”  
Rex nodded, “They told me. Said he wouldn’t have the same mobility or breathing again.”  
Anakin pursed his lips. “He’s out of the bacta. They’re waiting for him to wake up.”  
Rex half smiled, “That’s good.”  
Anakin didn’t smile. “Perhaps.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“I mean, he’s going to be in pain, upset, half lucid. It won’t be pretty.”  
Rex frowned. Akira had always been strong for him, even when he was falling apart on the inside.  
“I can handle it.”  
Anakin sipped his caff. “Just be sure to take breaks, hmm? I don’t need you losing your mind over him.”  
Rex clenched his fists. He didn’t want to ask, but he’d made a show, an incredible show of his relationship with Akira in the Med Bay.  
“Can I ask you something?”   
Anakin nodded.  
“In the med bay, when I found him, we said things that all but confirmed… things.” He said quietly, reddening.  
Anakin shook his head, “It was just Plo and Cody, right?”  
Rex nodded.  
“You’re fine. The med bay people can’t say anything and Plo and Cody wouldn’t. I’ve been covering up any holes in your attendance with errands I’ve been able to fabricate.”  
Rex smiled, and finally, Anakin returned it. “You’re alright. Remember, I’m well practiced with this.”   
He squeezed Rex’s shoulder, standing. “Get some sleep. I know Akira will.”

When Rex arrived on coruscant he head straight for the temples med bay, not bothering to stop and change or shower.   
When he got to the front desk, he already knew the medic. "Is he lucid?"  
She tilted her head. "More or less. He's been asking about you, though."  
She lead him back. The room was fairly dark, the only light that of the hallway and the machines beeping. He had a blanket over him, tubes sticking out of his nose and his arms. If Rex wasn’t reassured by the machines, he’d say he was dead. Thin, pale, and barely breathing.  
She left him, and he stayed in the doorway, unsure of what it was he expected when he arrived.   
"Rex?" He heard the gravelly voice call from the bed. Of course he’d sensed him.  
Rex bit back tears, collapsing on his knees before the bed.  
"Akira." He whispered, and his hand found Rex's head so gently Rex barely felt it.   
"Come here," he murmured, his words slurring a little.  
"Akira, I thought I'd lost you." He whispered, standing.   
Akira pawed at his shoulders, trying to draw him closer, and Rex moved into his embrace.  
"You can never lose me." He whispered, holding him.  
Rex took his face in his hands, kissing his forehead. "Next time I'm not listening to you."  
Akira smiled, "we'll see."   
This close Rex could hear the sounds of the machine helping him breathe, pushing air into his nostril, His blue eyes were muted, stricken with red.   
“Akira,” he whispered, running his hand over the side of his head.  
Akira closed his eyes, leaning into the touch. 

Rex made camp on the side of the bed, busying himself on his data pad while Akira slept.   
One of the medics came in, a bowl of sludge in hand. Plo was close behind her, taking up a spot in the corner, out of the way. Rex gave him a quick wave.  
"Hey there," she greeted and Akira's eyes opened, foggy and confused.  
"Want to try some oatmeal?" She asked.  
He looked at Rex. "You took a nap, it's time for dinner." He explained.  
Akira looked back at her. "Alright."   
Rex helped wrangle him up into a sitting position before they lifted the back of the bed. Akira was mainly unable to hold up his body, his head lolling a bit to the side.   
Rex helped support him, and she spooned some oatmeal into him. It took him a moment to get his mouth to work, oatmeal falling from his mouth onto his lap, but he swallowed.  
"More?"  
He nodded, and this time he was able to keep a majority of it in his mouth. Once he'd had a few more spoonfuls she stopped. "Let's see how you do with that for now."  
He nodded, his eyes fluttering closed.  
"Perhaps I'll come back later." Plo said, and Akira's eyes opened again.  
"No, I'm sorry, master." Akira said.   
"Don't be sorry. You've been through one hell of an ordeal. I just wanted to see you."  
Akira smiled, "thank you. For everything."  
Plo bowed his head, "it was my absolute pleasure. I'll be back and I'll leave you to rest. You're in the best possible hands here."   
Akira smiled, touching Rex's cheek. "I know."

Akira mainly slept, waking on occasion for a half hour or so before falling back asleep. Rex did what he could, making sure he didn’t get tangled, helping him drink water, and adjusting his pillows and blankets. Even through the haze of the drugs he was certainly being pumped full of, Rex could see the pain in his eyes. He didn’t complain, but the effort was always present in his features, in the way he took little, gasping breaths.   
Rex put two chairs together to make a bed, going over reports on his data pad. It was late, and he was expecting Akira to sleep for quite a while. He’d eaten a little more, and Rex requested they up his medication so he could stay asleep for the night.   
Rex must have fallen asleep, because he was spurred awake by a machine beeping wildly. His datapad clattered to the floor, and Rex stood. Akira was pulling the tubes from his arms, trying to get up from the bed. Rex hopped onto the bed on his knees, pulling Akira back by his shoulders.   
"Akira no."  
Akira pulled away, his hand against the wall before he slid to the floor, his hands hitting the shined tile with a slap. Rex ran over, and Akira pushed him away weakly, turning and vomiting with a horrid retch. His frail body worked hard, spilling the small amount of oatmeal he'd eaten on the floor. His breaths came in horrid, wet gasps, before he’d retch again.  
When his body stilled, he was gasping for breath, his tired body wringing his one lung of oxygen.  
"Akira-" he said softly and Akira shook his head, pushing him. In one fluid motion he tried to stand, taking two steps before falling into the doorframe, sliding onto the floor. Rex pursed his lips, lifting him into his arms.  
Akira was nearly limp, tears in his eyes.   
"You need to stay in bed." Rex said, "you could get hurt."  
Akira didn't look at him, staring at the ceiling, tears running down his cheeks.  
"Akira-" he closed his eyes, his brows furrowed with anger. Rex sat back, decidedly giving him some time.   
Akira didn’t wake again, and Rex went to the mess for caff, getting away from the med bay for some time. He saw now what Anakin was talking about. Being trapped in that white room, it wore away at his own sanity, nevermind Akira, who could never leave.   
When he returned, Akira was still out. He set up his small breakfast on the side table, watching a program on his datapad.  
A woman appeared in the doorframe, flowers in her hand.   
"Hello," she said gently, setting the flowers down on Akira’s small table.  
"Hi." Rex said, confused. Then it got him. The female guard he'd seen making out with Akira so long ago "Motie."  
She nodded. "Knoxly will be here later." She said. She was pretty, with light hair and blue eyes, skin as creamy as a paintings. No wonder Akira slept with her for years.  
"You must be Rex."  
He nodded.  
"He loves you very much," she smiled. "It warms me to see him finally happy. Thank you."  
Rex reddened. Guilt surged forward. Why was he jealous of her? "You've been a great friend to him, he's lucky to have you."   
She smiled slightly, "I hope I at least helped him a bit." She touched his arm and his eyes opened.   
“Just to warn you, he’s a bit out of it, and he threw a bit of a fit this morning, so I don’t know what you’ll get.”  
She nodded, "he's dramatic."  
Rex half smiled and she touched his arm.  
"MMotie." He moaned, still half asleep.   
"I didn't want to wake you but I'm going away for a few weeks so I wanted to drop by before I left."  
He stared at her.   
"How are you feeling?" She asked.  
"I'm ok." He said, blinking sleep from his eyes.  
"I'm sorry about your lung, sweetie."  
He looked away. "I can't even get up." He said, his scratchy tone matter of fact.  
She squeezed his forearm. "You will, you were in bacta soup for three weeks, dummy."  
He frowned, "I can't be on the field anymore, I'm a guard full time again."  
"So am I, so is Knoxly. We're not good enough for you anymore? And besides, you hated being on the field. Stop looking for things to be upset about and be grateful you're here. Rex has been sitting here for ages worrying about you, you think he cares? You think anyone cares about you not being on the field? You sucked at it and you hated it, its a blessing in disguise."  
Rex watched her in awe. Bitching at him was the way? He never would have guessed.  
"You're right. I'm sorry." He said, looking over to Rex guiltily.  
"Good. Be grateful and do what they tell you so you can be out of this shithole. Ok?"  
He nodded and she hugged him. "Feel better, sweetie."  
He smiled and she left. Akira putting his hand over his face.  
"I'm sorry, Rex." He murmured.  
"It's ok." Rex assured him, running his hand through his hair, “I get it.”   
Akira shifted, groaning, “I don’t know why you stay with me.”  
Rex cocked his head, “because I love you, stupid.”  
He half smirked, playfully punching him in the arm, the tube in his nose going foggy with his laughter.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Please review.


End file.
